...was on the 15th anniversary!
Before last night, every time Critical Mass would take to the streets, I would be otherwise engaged and would either watch from a window or not even know it was happening.
Yesterday, I got finished work early and was ready to ride at 6:15 - I even got to start with the rest of the group. The starting with the rest of the group thing wasn't ideal as we were unfortunately stuck in an inbetween spot where there weren't masses of bikes around us. Tho, there were some awesome "traffic holders" that would post up in front of oncoming traffic so we could fly thru the red lights, hooting, hollering and ringing bells. Drivers seemed incredibly patient the whole time my man and I were riding.
At one point, the group in front of us decided to wait for the group behind us to catch up, then it became really fun. There were two police officers on bikes in the ranks - not sure if they were "participants" in the sense that everyone else was, but they didn't hassle anyone. Actually, at one point, we heard an ambulance coming and a bunch of bikes stopped the rest of us so we could let it pass. The cops on bikes were the only ones who crossed around the bikes holding us up and in front of the Ambulance - ironic.
We split from the group near Lower Haight slash Duboce Triangle
when hunger took over and headed back to The Mission for cheesesteaks and the best garlic fries on the planet at Jay's.
When we were in Lost Weekend Video choosing the night's entertainment, the whole group came by again - which was super fun because we then got to be the peds on the sidelines cheering them on.
That's when I heard someone say that it was the 15th anniversary of the fun "sociodynamic" experiment. I'd link you to the "official" CM website but it seems that the unofficial, official website hasn't been maintained.
Yay for peaceful anarchic gatherings based on cycling!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
self portrait challenge - bathroom
this is my first contribution to self portrait challenge. i've completed the challenge in the past, just not gone all the way to posting here.
i found the bathroom topic to be intriguing for a few reasons.
the first being that i love the bathroom here at my boyfriend's apartment and was excited to photo-document myself in it.
the second being that scene in Say Anything when James Court gets into his empty tub, with all of his clothes on to cry about how his world is collapsing around him. that scene has always made me cry with empathy.
the third reason takes the second reason into consideration. i've been going thru a lot of changes emotionally and mentally and find that i gain solace when in the bath.
in these photos, i attempted to capture the strong, yet emotionally challenged state i've been existing in for the past few months. it just so happens that these two images were, respectively, the first and last photos i took for this challenge.
i found the bathroom topic to be intriguing for a few reasons.
the first being that i love the bathroom here at my boyfriend's apartment and was excited to photo-document myself in it.
the second being that scene in Say Anything when James Court gets into his empty tub, with all of his clothes on to cry about how his world is collapsing around him. that scene has always made me cry with empathy.
the third reason takes the second reason into consideration. i've been going thru a lot of changes emotionally and mentally and find that i gain solace when in the bath.
in these photos, i attempted to capture the strong, yet emotionally challenged state i've been existing in for the past few months. it just so happens that these two images were, respectively, the first and last photos i took for this challenge.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
memories of ron - part I
my dad's a scuba diver.
when I spent summers with him, sometimes he'd take me out to his dives with him. that usually meant that I'd sit in the boat while he was digging up starfish and sea urchins. sometimes I'd swim around and try to get back in the boat (which usually meant I'd end up hanging off the edge of the boat waiting for him to pull me back in. i've never been very strong in the upper body.)
sometimes he'd bring some giant or tiny lobsters up (the ones the lobsterpeople would have to throw back) for me to look at and we'd watch them swim away. sometimes we'd sneak them home and eat them - once we had a lobster with a claw that was at least six inches across. my mom kept the empty shell for years.
anywho, the real story I wanted to tell was about the time he brought up a fresh scallop. he split the beautiful, white shell open, sliced out the guts and threw them back where they came from. then he slurped the still living scallop muscle right down his throat while I watched, somewhat awed, somewhat disgusted. he offered me some and after I declined he said "I love it when I can feel them wriggle down my throat."
I wish I were that adventurous with food.
when I spent summers with him, sometimes he'd take me out to his dives with him. that usually meant that I'd sit in the boat while he was digging up starfish and sea urchins. sometimes I'd swim around and try to get back in the boat (which usually meant I'd end up hanging off the edge of the boat waiting for him to pull me back in. i've never been very strong in the upper body.)
sometimes he'd bring some giant or tiny lobsters up (the ones the lobsterpeople would have to throw back) for me to look at and we'd watch them swim away. sometimes we'd sneak them home and eat them - once we had a lobster with a claw that was at least six inches across. my mom kept the empty shell for years.
anywho, the real story I wanted to tell was about the time he brought up a fresh scallop. he split the beautiful, white shell open, sliced out the guts and threw them back where they came from. then he slurped the still living scallop muscle right down his throat while I watched, somewhat awed, somewhat disgusted. he offered me some and after I declined he said "I love it when I can feel them wriggle down my throat."
I wish I were that adventurous with food.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
words and notes by friends - together for 60 minutes
hear Obvious World and me read some poems that are backed up by Joel Garnier's musical stylings here. The song should start right away.
I wrote these poems when I was in college and recorded myself reading them a couple of months ago.
Obvious always seems to be writing poems and he recorded his readings around the time I did, just so Joel could add music and put it up on his now-retired radio show on KRUU FM out of Fairfield, Iowa.
One never knows what Joel will be doing with his website and its content, so listen soon and then hit him up on his guest book so he can feel the love. :)
I wrote these poems when I was in college and recorded myself reading them a couple of months ago.
Obvious always seems to be writing poems and he recorded his readings around the time I did, just so Joel could add music and put it up on his now-retired radio show on KRUU FM out of Fairfield, Iowa.
One never knows what Joel will be doing with his website and its content, so listen soon and then hit him up on his guest book so he can feel the love. :)
Thursday, September 06, 2007
history
last night, I was honored enough to have a few tastes of a madeira made in 1910.
it was the first, and, I pray, not the last, time i've ever ingested anything almost a century old and i could taste the history.
it was smooth and wonderful and perfect, in every way.
now i want to know where that bottle started and how it travelled to end up filling my glass, twice, in 97 years. ahh, reverie.
update: according to wiki madeira's are the longest lasting wines. next on the list is one made in 1834!
it was the first, and, I pray, not the last, time i've ever ingested anything almost a century old and i could taste the history.
it was smooth and wonderful and perfect, in every way.
now i want to know where that bottle started and how it travelled to end up filling my glass, twice, in 97 years. ahh, reverie.
update: according to wiki madeira's are the longest lasting wines. next on the list is one made in 1834!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
dreaming is such a tease
I've had some seriously deranged dreams lately. I even had "the strangest dream I've ever had" - which is pretty monumental considering I've had many, many strange dreams.
One of my favorite of the recent dream selections involved someone who has written me off in waking reality, communicating to me in pictograms that she's warming up to me again. I woke up feeling really good. I'm too scared to tell her about it - to break the ice, if you will - as she's made it quite clear that she's not interested in having anything to do with me anymore and she peppers her language to me with threats of bodily harm.
I wish I could remember what the pictograms were. In the dream it was really fun deciphering them and then talking about them with her.
Sigh.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
violet
last night I dreamed of blood
it was deep and dark
and I was in it
there was a black haired maiden at my feet
urging me to tear myself open
even more
Monday, June 04, 2007
reflecting on the changes of the last decade and a half
15 years ago compared to now
.:my mom keeps telling her friends that they can't trust me anymore and then she giggles. fun little jokester former hippy mom. i don't think she trusted me much when I was 15.
.:i still like birthday cake AND cookies on my birthday.
.:shiny red flats and a black and white dress were my birthday dinner garb - not much has changed since I made a vow at 15 to put in my will that my funeral would be "a party on Big Sandy Beach (or Singing Sands - depending on who you talk to) where everyone had to wear only black, white and/or red and they could only bring balloons and that they all had to dance rather than cry" - I still agree with that sentiment and still have no will, nor valuables to put into a will. my cds always go to someone at least 10 years younger than me. yes, I still buy cds.
.:This Night Has Opened My Eyes is still my most favorite Smiths song ever. I still listen to it over and over in one sitting - just not as often as when I was 15.
.:When i was 15 and told someone something that was personal, it never was very personal and I was always a bit hyper about his/her reaction. Now, I still get sad when I share something I feel to be emotionally exposing and I either get no response at all or get a response that seems to come from a place of not understanding what I was saying. The latter is easier for me to deal with than the former because at least I feel that it's okay to keep talking about it. The former happened recently, twice, with the same person, and it's really made me sad but I'm must more okay with it than I would have been at 15. The latter happened over and over with the same person and it left me feeling a need for space, and I asked for it. I wouldn't have been able to do it like that when I was 15.
.:i don't drink as much now as I did when I was 15. And when I drink wine now, it's almost always out of a glass, and not the bottle, unlike 15 years ago when I spilled pink paul masson wine down both sides of my face, while laughing, and not choking, and trying to chug it so I could get drunk.
.:i'm much more balanced when i'm stoned. I still get a little too chatty and sometimes talk out my ass, but I have more of a rein on the runaway thought/babble patterns.
.:I'm softer now.
.:My smile is twice as big and twenty gazillion times more sincere.
.:My eyebrows look ridiculously better now that I've learned the art of eyebrow shaping.
.:Feelings are allowed to exist inside me now.
.:Swearing is not nearly as common these days as it was back then - I was so angry at 15.
.:My hair's basically the same. I like my curls and they're good at telling me how to make them look.
.:I feel much less of a need to talk about my beliefs now than I did then. PHEW!
.:my mom keeps telling her friends that they can't trust me anymore and then she giggles. fun little jokester former hippy mom. i don't think she trusted me much when I was 15.
.:i still like birthday cake AND cookies on my birthday.
.:shiny red flats and a black and white dress were my birthday dinner garb - not much has changed since I made a vow at 15 to put in my will that my funeral would be "a party on Big Sandy Beach (or Singing Sands - depending on who you talk to) where everyone had to wear only black, white and/or red and they could only bring balloons and that they all had to dance rather than cry" - I still agree with that sentiment and still have no will, nor valuables to put into a will. my cds always go to someone at least 10 years younger than me. yes, I still buy cds.
.:This Night Has Opened My Eyes is still my most favorite Smiths song ever. I still listen to it over and over in one sitting - just not as often as when I was 15.
.:When i was 15 and told someone something that was personal, it never was very personal and I was always a bit hyper about his/her reaction. Now, I still get sad when I share something I feel to be emotionally exposing and I either get no response at all or get a response that seems to come from a place of not understanding what I was saying. The latter is easier for me to deal with than the former because at least I feel that it's okay to keep talking about it. The former happened recently, twice, with the same person, and it's really made me sad but I'm must more okay with it than I would have been at 15. The latter happened over and over with the same person and it left me feeling a need for space, and I asked for it. I wouldn't have been able to do it like that when I was 15.
.:i don't drink as much now as I did when I was 15. And when I drink wine now, it's almost always out of a glass, and not the bottle, unlike 15 years ago when I spilled pink paul masson wine down both sides of my face, while laughing, and not choking, and trying to chug it so I could get drunk.
.:i'm much more balanced when i'm stoned. I still get a little too chatty and sometimes talk out my ass, but I have more of a rein on the runaway thought/babble patterns.
.:I'm softer now.
.:My smile is twice as big and twenty gazillion times more sincere.
.:My eyebrows look ridiculously better now that I've learned the art of eyebrow shaping.
.:Feelings are allowed to exist inside me now.
.:Swearing is not nearly as common these days as it was back then - I was so angry at 15.
.:My hair's basically the same. I like my curls and they're good at telling me how to make them look.
.:I feel much less of a need to talk about my beliefs now than I did then. PHEW!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
while you were away
wanting to write a poem to encompass the depth and breadth of emotions i've been feeling lately, yet feeling trite, saccharine and obvious, i chose to read instead. i happened upon this poem in the May 2007 issue of The Sun that somehow helped me feel slightly less singular.
while you were away
by Richard Newman
I thought about sex. I turned 40, drank beer
on the back porch by myself. Called an ex.
Last night, the woman across the alley, the one
with that green porch light, suddenly appeared
in a white and black Dalmation-spotted bathrobe,
bare legs, and slippers and shuffled down wet bricks.
She may have seen me, but she also saw
our other neighbor's Datsun gone, that guy
she dated once or twice, out all night,
and so she quickly shuffled right back home.
From the front side of the house, across the street,
a guy kept yelling, "April! April! April!"
He pounded on the door, "C'mon, April!"
I am also sick of the month of March.
The season sucks us out of our houses, pulls
us onto porches and down damp alleys. We keep
testing our breaths against the cool night air.
This afternoon I made corn chowder, baked bread,
roasted asparagus for the Bollingers,
the mother deep in chemotherapy
for the second time. Their ten-year-old daughter
plays sweeper on the fifth-grade soccer team.
I wonder if the couple still has sex,
and if they do each time feels like the last.
Tonight the neighborhood is quiet.
No dogs bark. Everyone must have been
sucked back inside, maybe licking their wounds.
Our neighbor's light still burns a fungus green.
The roots begin to stir in the cold March rain.
I feel like I've been 40 all my life.
My daughter is at her mother's, and tonight,
you are so much farther away than sleep.
I finish another High Life, go upstairs
and crawl beneath the covers, shiver, naked.
The dog's been on the bed, smelly but warm -
the only warmth tonight, so I'll take it.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
idol, i guess
when I was little and scared
my dad encouraged me to listen to
and emulate
Madonna
I did
and already had been
I cried the first time I saw her in concert
I mean
I was in the same freaking room with her
it was overwhelming
and kinda silly
now even when I hear her song jump or how high
(new ones that don't have much emotion attached to them
yet)
I get choked up
even looking at her pics
gives me a bit of emotional stir
I don't want to meet her anymore
it seems that the magic could be ruined if that happened
well, maybe I do
but I want to not want to meet her anymore
I want to keep the idolatry in it's place
keep the pedestal in the gallery
and keep the dreaming free
my dad encouraged me to listen to
and emulate
Madonna
I did
and already had been
I cried the first time I saw her in concert
I mean
I was in the same freaking room with her
it was overwhelming
and kinda silly
now even when I hear her song jump or how high
(new ones that don't have much emotion attached to them
yet)
I get choked up
even looking at her pics
gives me a bit of emotional stir
I don't want to meet her anymore
it seems that the magic could be ruined if that happened
well, maybe I do
but I want to not want to meet her anymore
I want to keep the idolatry in it's place
keep the pedestal in the gallery
and keep the dreaming free
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
things I saw at the park
it was a gorgeous, warm, sunny day, and my roommate and I went to brunch.
we ate brunch inside and then decided to go to the park.
we saw my bike messenger friend by the video store.
we all decided to get ice cream and then go to the park - my friend would meet us there.
i chose honey lavender ice cream - one scoop, in a biodegradable cup. my roommate got one scoop of chocolate and one scoop of roasted banana - they were yummy. I liked mine much more but noticed that after eating a bit of the chocolate, I could taste the honey a lot more in mine.
my bike messenger friend didn't show up so we went to the park without him.
there were a lot of people, in little groups, sitting in the sun, on the grass.
i trod carefully to avoid stepping in any poop. i didn't see any poop, nor did I tred in any.
we took a couple of Polaroids before we figured out that we wanted to take shots of our hands against nature.
my bike messenger friend found us - he'd gone to get a 20 oz of some hand crafted beer, which he opened with a key.
I saw someone I'm friends with, sitting a few yards away and I waved and smiled. but I did not rise and go say hi. then we talked about park/beach/public lounge area protocol regarding seeing friends and acquaintances.
a man walked up and passed out next to us, on his back, with his face smartly covered by his hat. he lay there with his arms out and his legs splayed, like a baby, and snored. we secretly took a Polaroid of him.
my bike messenger friend got to see a girl's butt as she put on her bikini under her little dress. that made him happy.
my roommate and I continued our quest for Polaroids of our hands in front of nature while we made our way home. at one point, my roommate was on the ground with the camera and some guys drove by and yelled "i've fallen and i can't get up!" it was funny.
when we got home, we put the Polaroids on the wall where we'd put the tree branch and leaves stickers. the Polaroids look like they're leaves falling from the tree branches. We like it.
we ate brunch inside and then decided to go to the park.
we saw my bike messenger friend by the video store.
we all decided to get ice cream and then go to the park - my friend would meet us there.
i chose honey lavender ice cream - one scoop, in a biodegradable cup. my roommate got one scoop of chocolate and one scoop of roasted banana - they were yummy. I liked mine much more but noticed that after eating a bit of the chocolate, I could taste the honey a lot more in mine.
my bike messenger friend didn't show up so we went to the park without him.
there were a lot of people, in little groups, sitting in the sun, on the grass.
i trod carefully to avoid stepping in any poop. i didn't see any poop, nor did I tred in any.
we took a couple of Polaroids before we figured out that we wanted to take shots of our hands against nature.
my bike messenger friend found us - he'd gone to get a 20 oz of some hand crafted beer, which he opened with a key.
I saw someone I'm friends with, sitting a few yards away and I waved and smiled. but I did not rise and go say hi. then we talked about park/beach/public lounge area protocol regarding seeing friends and acquaintances.
a man walked up and passed out next to us, on his back, with his face smartly covered by his hat. he lay there with his arms out and his legs splayed, like a baby, and snored. we secretly took a Polaroid of him.
my bike messenger friend got to see a girl's butt as she put on her bikini under her little dress. that made him happy.
my roommate and I continued our quest for Polaroids of our hands in front of nature while we made our way home. at one point, my roommate was on the ground with the camera and some guys drove by and yelled "i've fallen and i can't get up!" it was funny.
when we got home, we put the Polaroids on the wall where we'd put the tree branch and leaves stickers. the Polaroids look like they're leaves falling from the tree branches. We like it.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
concerning lately
shade covered tea time
jasmine and rose
warming my tongue
sweetening my day
filling my belly
a simple appreciation for life
just the way it is
*
losing friends
making new ones
simultaneously opposing feelings
tho one hurts more than one feels good
essentially, the game is to simply let the felt experience happen
*
entering a new sphere of influence
shedding that which is no longer needed
discovering new realms within which
to coexist
and function
*
jasmine and rose
remember my heart for me
blister on my toe
remind me to heel
tension in my shoulders
your job here is done
bliss in my heart
have a cup of flowers and stay a while
jasmine and rose
warming my tongue
sweetening my day
filling my belly
a simple appreciation for life
just the way it is
*
losing friends
making new ones
simultaneously opposing feelings
tho one hurts more than one feels good
essentially, the game is to simply let the felt experience happen
*
entering a new sphere of influence
shedding that which is no longer needed
discovering new realms within which
to coexist
and function
*
jasmine and rose
remember my heart for me
blister on my toe
remind me to heel
tension in my shoulders
your job here is done
bliss in my heart
have a cup of flowers and stay a while
Monday, March 12, 2007
JOB: A comedy of Justice
Robert A. Heinlein wrote a novel with that name in the 80's and I just finished reading it in oh seven and it was amazing. So much of it fit right in with today's perspective, as most of Heinlein's books (that I've read) do.
There was a section in the middle, near the beginning of the end, where I got irritated with the main character but the end wrapped it all up for me. I think I was "supposed" to get irritated with him. Anyone who's interested in alternative views on traditional religions will appreciate this novel - anyone who likes to dissect Christianity and it's rules will appreciate it even more.
This is a pretty perfect book and I'm super glad that my cosmic friend Obvious told me about it, and encouraged me to read it by telling me he dug it. It's probably one of the first books I've read where the end left me feeling satisfied, and not longing for more time with my new friends.
You can probably find it in any library, if you don't want to part with your hard earned sheckles. It's a long book but I read it quick - it was all I wanted to do in my down time.
There was a section in the middle, near the beginning of the end, where I got irritated with the main character but the end wrapped it all up for me. I think I was "supposed" to get irritated with him. Anyone who's interested in alternative views on traditional religions will appreciate this novel - anyone who likes to dissect Christianity and it's rules will appreciate it even more.
This is a pretty perfect book and I'm super glad that my cosmic friend Obvious told me about it, and encouraged me to read it by telling me he dug it. It's probably one of the first books I've read where the end left me feeling satisfied, and not longing for more time with my new friends.
You can probably find it in any library, if you don't want to part with your hard earned sheckles. It's a long book but I read it quick - it was all I wanted to do in my down time.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Mexican thankfulness in photos
Click any image to see it larger on flickr. :)
Ventilation and Awe
Doors
Patterns and Lines
Reflected Selves
Ancient structures
Ventilation and Awe
Doors
Patterns and Lines
Reflected Selves
Ancient structures
Saturday, November 18, 2006
no no, thank YOU!
I'll be out of town, out of the country, for a week to celebrate the idea of thankfulness.
Here are the things I'm most thankful for right now:
love
growth
my friends who allow me to be me and who are just beautiful being who they are
my family who are always full of love
travel
understanding
forgiveness
skincare
my new career
my new job within the realm of the above two
my goals
my five year plan
travelling with my honey
borrowing books from the library for travel reading
80 degree days and 40 degree nights (farenheit)
no plan plans
$1 = ~10 pesos
$45 1 1/2 hour massages
In the somewhat remote mountain town in Mexico, I'm sure there is some internet but I see no reason to access it when I've only got six days to soak up my first experience in a country that doesn't speak English as a first language.
Fortunately, my man does and I'm really good at talking with my hands.
I'm sure I'll post photos eventually upon my return.
If you comment on this or my page and don't see it, that's because I have to approve all of that communication and that won't happen until the 27th.
(tho, I bet I'll log on before I head out tomorrow afternoon... maybe... if I ever log off and go pack...)
Here are the things I'm most thankful for right now:
love
growth
my friends who allow me to be me and who are just beautiful being who they are
my family who are always full of love
travel
understanding
forgiveness
skincare
my new career
my new job within the realm of the above two
my goals
my five year plan
travelling with my honey
borrowing books from the library for travel reading
80 degree days and 40 degree nights (farenheit)
no plan plans
$1 = ~10 pesos
$45 1 1/2 hour massages
In the somewhat remote mountain town in Mexico, I'm sure there is some internet but I see no reason to access it when I've only got six days to soak up my first experience in a country that doesn't speak English as a first language.
Fortunately, my man does and I'm really good at talking with my hands.
I'm sure I'll post photos eventually upon my return.
If you comment on this or my page and don't see it, that's because I have to approve all of that communication and that won't happen until the 27th.
(tho, I bet I'll log on before I head out tomorrow afternoon... maybe... if I ever log off and go pack...)
Friday, November 03, 2006
plus; +; positive; more than neutral; opposite of negative
My blogs have been so negative and full of turmoil and strife lately so I've decided to share some "victories" with y'all, if only to let it be known that there is a very lighthearted being behind/above/within/around/next to that heavy one.
I had a GREAT day today:
:It started with discovering that my bike wasn't outside in the rain but left in an indoor sanctuary - yay for a rust free chain.
:Then I got to share a cab with three people and only had to contribute the cash in my wallet (about $2 with another $2 owed a schoolmate who threw in $5 for both of us).
:Even tho I was late, so were a bunch of other students who aren't usually and when the school pres asked us why so many of us "usually on timers" were late and we said "BART emergency" she said "Oh, that's a good excuse then." I still got a tardy but that's okay, the next, or I should say LAST, six week cycle starts on Tuesday (which means tardy's get reset).
:My last six week cycle will really only last for four more weeks, one of which is a week in Mexico for Thanksgiving! Yeah.
:I had a job interview yesterday at an excellent spa and I'm psyched to have gotten invited back for a second interview on Monday - it'll be awesome to get this job for many reasons but I'll save that for my next "good news" entry after I actually accept an offer.
:I got certified in TRUE makeup this morning (more good news connected to that if the above entry goes the way I hope and feel it will...). I love this makeup. It's all mineral based and super kind to the skin. Read about it if you're curious. Being certified only means that if I work in a salon or spa that sells it, I'm allowed to apply it to clients. And now I can do full makeup applications at school on my clients for free!
:I had a wonderful client this afternoon who rebooked for some waxing and bought the product that I recommended. I'm totally loving telling people about products and seeing their skin improve because of them. Did you know that 90% of the benefits you see in your skin after a facial come from the home care routine? It's true. Think about that the next time you consider buying a face cleanser at the drug store.
:Tomorrow is Saturday, which is really my Friday, because it's the last day of the week for me. Hopefully my crew and I will be going out dancing - sometimes we never actually make it out but we always have a great time.
Post script:
:Apparently, my horoscope for today is ALSO about positivity. Yay! I love it when things synch up. :)
November 3, 2006
Positive Outlook
Gemini Daily Horoscope
You could feel like pursuing your goals with resolve and purpose, which could make you optimistic about the outcome. Perhaps your zeal might be because you can picture a positive end result or because you refuse to allow negative thoughts to influence you. Keeping your focus on the future hopeful and positive today may make it easier for you to realize your goals. It might be useful to make a list of all of the characteristics you possess that will aid you in reaching your goals. By thinking of your positive qualities, you can concentrate on the potential you have to manifest your dreams, which can help boost your confidence in yourself. If you feel that you will be able to achieve your goals, then this power of positive thinking adds not only to your self-assurance but also puts a hopeful intention out into the universe.
Remaining positive about what the future holds allows us to put our energy into the most important thing that will help us reach our dreams..ourselves. Even though our dreams do not always happen exactly as we hope, we are most often the key to our own success. Having confidence in ourselves gives us the means to place our focus on what we need to do in a way that is meaningful and constructive. When we set our sights high and with optimism, the universe will respond in kind. By believing in yourself today, the universe will listen to your positive intentions and give you the means to reach your dreams.
I had a GREAT day today:
:It started with discovering that my bike wasn't outside in the rain but left in an indoor sanctuary - yay for a rust free chain.
:Then I got to share a cab with three people and only had to contribute the cash in my wallet (about $2 with another $2 owed a schoolmate who threw in $5 for both of us).
:Even tho I was late, so were a bunch of other students who aren't usually and when the school pres asked us why so many of us "usually on timers" were late and we said "BART emergency" she said "Oh, that's a good excuse then." I still got a tardy but that's okay, the next, or I should say LAST, six week cycle starts on Tuesday (which means tardy's get reset).
:My last six week cycle will really only last for four more weeks, one of which is a week in Mexico for Thanksgiving! Yeah.
:I had a job interview yesterday at an excellent spa and I'm psyched to have gotten invited back for a second interview on Monday - it'll be awesome to get this job for many reasons but I'll save that for my next "good news" entry after I actually accept an offer.
:I got certified in TRUE makeup this morning (more good news connected to that if the above entry goes the way I hope and feel it will...). I love this makeup. It's all mineral based and super kind to the skin. Read about it if you're curious. Being certified only means that if I work in a salon or spa that sells it, I'm allowed to apply it to clients. And now I can do full makeup applications at school on my clients for free!
:I had a wonderful client this afternoon who rebooked for some waxing and bought the product that I recommended. I'm totally loving telling people about products and seeing their skin improve because of them. Did you know that 90% of the benefits you see in your skin after a facial come from the home care routine? It's true. Think about that the next time you consider buying a face cleanser at the drug store.
:Tomorrow is Saturday, which is really my Friday, because it's the last day of the week for me. Hopefully my crew and I will be going out dancing - sometimes we never actually make it out but we always have a great time.
Post script:
:Apparently, my horoscope for today is ALSO about positivity. Yay! I love it when things synch up. :)
November 3, 2006
Positive Outlook
Gemini Daily Horoscope
You could feel like pursuing your goals with resolve and purpose, which could make you optimistic about the outcome. Perhaps your zeal might be because you can picture a positive end result or because you refuse to allow negative thoughts to influence you. Keeping your focus on the future hopeful and positive today may make it easier for you to realize your goals. It might be useful to make a list of all of the characteristics you possess that will aid you in reaching your goals. By thinking of your positive qualities, you can concentrate on the potential you have to manifest your dreams, which can help boost your confidence in yourself. If you feel that you will be able to achieve your goals, then this power of positive thinking adds not only to your self-assurance but also puts a hopeful intention out into the universe.
Remaining positive about what the future holds allows us to put our energy into the most important thing that will help us reach our dreams..ourselves. Even though our dreams do not always happen exactly as we hope, we are most often the key to our own success. Having confidence in ourselves gives us the means to place our focus on what we need to do in a way that is meaningful and constructive. When we set our sights high and with optimism, the universe will respond in kind. By believing in yourself today, the universe will listen to your positive intentions and give you the means to reach your dreams.
Friday, October 27, 2006
overwhelmed by isness (a process documentation)
incarnation is hard
working out this whole "human" thing
is labyrinthine
i've been told that i'm no good at killing the minotaur
(or the medusa
or however the myth goes)
but I'm still in the middle of the battle
and the battle is evermore.
or, at least, until I get over the drama of the body...
[insert angels laughing riotously
knowingly
lovingly
dripping their effervescent tears onto my head
to remind me of home
and why I'm here]
[meanwhile, back on the battlefield:]
the mirror is being aimed
the light is reflecting and finding it's target
the medusa is shattering
the minotaur has a broken leg
at least
maybe even lost an eye
his tail is definitely shorter than it was
i feel overwhelmed by being in a body
overwhelmed by having a heart
overwhelmed by calls to integrity and goodness
they make sure that
every step is weighed
every thought analyzed
every interaction graded
processing is constant
learning is ever-present
silence does not exist here anymore
__________
i'm so tired
"i jus wan take nap rih her"
(quoting my youth
when
lighting a cigarette off of the one i wasn't even finished smoking
was what i did when drunk at a party)
_________________________________
am i drunk on the heaviness of existence?
am i regretting taking the drink of incarnation?
am i losing my ground-ded-ness?
________________________________________________
"life's ups and downs are easy when you have a fast car"
is written on a card
magnetized to the fridge
at my borrowed sanctuary
where I go to feel loved and open
and give thanks for the opportunity
to throw my arms wide and let go
yeah, let's go
let's use that fast car and go for a drive
blast the tunes
throw open the sunroof
drink wine
hit the beach
relax
RELAX
breathe clean air
run
play
laugh
LAUGH
giggle
play
laugh
run
drive
weee!
{this has been an active process by adrienecrimson - we hope you enjoyed the ride - to some art is about process rather than outcome, hence the first draft quality of this collection of words}
working out this whole "human" thing
is labyrinthine
i've been told that i'm no good at killing the minotaur
(or the medusa
or however the myth goes)
but I'm still in the middle of the battle
and the battle is evermore.
or, at least, until I get over the drama of the body...
[insert angels laughing riotously
knowingly
lovingly
dripping their effervescent tears onto my head
to remind me of home
and why I'm here]
[meanwhile, back on the battlefield:]
the mirror is being aimed
the light is reflecting and finding it's target
the medusa is shattering
the minotaur has a broken leg
at least
maybe even lost an eye
his tail is definitely shorter than it was
i feel overwhelmed by being in a body
overwhelmed by having a heart
overwhelmed by calls to integrity and goodness
they make sure that
every step is weighed
every thought analyzed
every interaction graded
processing is constant
learning is ever-present
silence does not exist here anymore
__________
i'm so tired
"i jus wan take nap rih her"
(quoting my youth
when
lighting a cigarette off of the one i wasn't even finished smoking
was what i did when drunk at a party)
_________________________________
am i drunk on the heaviness of existence?
am i regretting taking the drink of incarnation?
am i losing my ground-ded-ness?
________________________________________________
"life's ups and downs are easy when you have a fast car"
is written on a card
magnetized to the fridge
at my borrowed sanctuary
where I go to feel loved and open
and give thanks for the opportunity
to throw my arms wide and let go
yeah, let's go
let's use that fast car and go for a drive
blast the tunes
throw open the sunroof
drink wine
hit the beach
relax
RELAX
breathe clean air
run
play
laugh
LAUGH
giggle
play
laugh
run
drive
weee!
{this has been an active process by adrienecrimson - we hope you enjoyed the ride - to some art is about process rather than outcome, hence the first draft quality of this collection of words}
Monday, October 23, 2006
little blog tussle
Below is a really funny blog war that I've been involved in. It's funny because we both posted "Daily OM" emails that talk all about positivity and spirituality and we both posted them for the other.
I recently received a series of emails from someone who doesn't agree with the way I live my life. I got over it, relatively, and then stupidly decided to re-read them today and subsequently cried, got depressed and needed a pep-talk from a good friend. Post pep-talk, i checked my www.dailyom.com email and found this to be apropos for both myself and the writer of the above mentioned emails.
I am blogging it because I think that this information is good for all of us as we try to make our way thru this dense experience called incarnation.
October 16, 2006
Seeing Beyond The Unknown
Fear Of Losing What We Have
One of humanity's biggest fears is losing what we have. It is healthy when fear of loss helps us take steps to protect what we have worked hard to attain, but it is unhealthy to continue to fear something we can do nothing about. We need to remember that focusing our energy on fear can actually create what scares us, and holding tightly to what we have keeps us from participating in the universal flow of abundance and instead creates stagnation. Since we can only really control our thoughts and our responses, gaining proper perspective may be key to conquering such fears.
The letters of the word "fear" can be used to stand for "False Evidence Appearing Real." Fears of being separated from something or someone we feel we need for our security or happiness comes from a delusion - a distorted way of understanding ourselves and the world around us. When we understand that possessions are only representations of the energy at work in our lives, we can shift our attention to the right and proper place. We can stop fearing loss of money or success because when we understand how it is created, we can always create more. We can stop fearing loss of possessions when we realize that they are not the source of our joy or well-being but only icing on our cakes. And when we understand the energy of love, we need not hold anyone too close for fear of losing them for we know that love does not diminish when it is given or shared but expands beyond boundaries of time or space.
By focusing our light on our fears, they are revealed as mere shadows that disappear in the presence of mind and spirit. We can choose instead to direct our thoughts and creative power toward things of true value - love, abundance, peace, passion, and joy. These are energies that are always available to us when we place ourselves confidently in the universal flow of abundance.
then, a few days after I posted this, there was a response posted:
(a daily om from the archives)
Integrity
A boat with no leaks is said to have integrity, as is a solid piece of furniture. It is their wholeness-no gaps or weaknesses-that gives them their integrity. People who have integrity convey a similar "seaworthiness" and stability. There is the sense that they can be counted on, that their actions will be consistent with their ideals. Just being in the presence of someone with this quality creates a feeling of steadiness even in a chaotic environment. These people are natural leaders because we sense that it is safe to follow them. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi are clear examples of modern human beings who embodied integrity.
All spiritual traditions have vows, precepts, and tenets that are designed to encourage us to live in harmony with a higher vision of what humanity can be. Following a set of precepts, or taking a vow, can teach us what it feels like to be true to a set of elevated ideals in which we think beyond I, me, and mine. Being true to a vow in the face of temptation builds strength and power. We learn first hand the benefits of sacrificing short-term gains in favor of long-term vision. We learn the value of doing what is right, and not just what is easy. In a culture obsessed with convenience and freedom, integrity can be a rare quality. Perhaps this is because we have a cultural habit of resisting limitation and restriction. And yet, limitation and restriction often provide the structure in which integrity can be born.
Living with integrity generates self-confidence and self-esteem. It is important to take time on a regular basis to examine whether your actions, your words and your vision are in alignment. Make it a priority to look into any imbalances you find and commit to resolving them. Take time to consider and, when necessary, revise your overall vision for life, making sure your actions and words support your ideals.
I surrender.
I will not read that blog anymore (no matter how hard it is to not click on that link).
I will take that integrity post to heart and live within what I consider to be my own integrity, which includes not rising to any bait and simply being the person I want to be.
In case you find it odd that I would post on a different, unmonitored blog, this post is simply an appreciation of the fact that we were warring with deep philosophy and I find that kinda sweet.
Well, bittersweet if anything.
I recently received a series of emails from someone who doesn't agree with the way I live my life. I got over it, relatively, and then stupidly decided to re-read them today and subsequently cried, got depressed and needed a pep-talk from a good friend. Post pep-talk, i checked my www.dailyom.com email and found this to be apropos for both myself and the writer of the above mentioned emails.
I am blogging it because I think that this information is good for all of us as we try to make our way thru this dense experience called incarnation.
October 16, 2006
Seeing Beyond The Unknown
Fear Of Losing What We Have
One of humanity's biggest fears is losing what we have. It is healthy when fear of loss helps us take steps to protect what we have worked hard to attain, but it is unhealthy to continue to fear something we can do nothing about. We need to remember that focusing our energy on fear can actually create what scares us, and holding tightly to what we have keeps us from participating in the universal flow of abundance and instead creates stagnation. Since we can only really control our thoughts and our responses, gaining proper perspective may be key to conquering such fears.
The letters of the word "fear" can be used to stand for "False Evidence Appearing Real." Fears of being separated from something or someone we feel we need for our security or happiness comes from a delusion - a distorted way of understanding ourselves and the world around us. When we understand that possessions are only representations of the energy at work in our lives, we can shift our attention to the right and proper place. We can stop fearing loss of money or success because when we understand how it is created, we can always create more. We can stop fearing loss of possessions when we realize that they are not the source of our joy or well-being but only icing on our cakes. And when we understand the energy of love, we need not hold anyone too close for fear of losing them for we know that love does not diminish when it is given or shared but expands beyond boundaries of time or space.
By focusing our light on our fears, they are revealed as mere shadows that disappear in the presence of mind and spirit. We can choose instead to direct our thoughts and creative power toward things of true value - love, abundance, peace, passion, and joy. These are energies that are always available to us when we place ourselves confidently in the universal flow of abundance.
then, a few days after I posted this, there was a response posted:
(a daily om from the archives)
Integrity
A boat with no leaks is said to have integrity, as is a solid piece of furniture. It is their wholeness-no gaps or weaknesses-that gives them their integrity. People who have integrity convey a similar "seaworthiness" and stability. There is the sense that they can be counted on, that their actions will be consistent with their ideals. Just being in the presence of someone with this quality creates a feeling of steadiness even in a chaotic environment. These people are natural leaders because we sense that it is safe to follow them. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi are clear examples of modern human beings who embodied integrity.
All spiritual traditions have vows, precepts, and tenets that are designed to encourage us to live in harmony with a higher vision of what humanity can be. Following a set of precepts, or taking a vow, can teach us what it feels like to be true to a set of elevated ideals in which we think beyond I, me, and mine. Being true to a vow in the face of temptation builds strength and power. We learn first hand the benefits of sacrificing short-term gains in favor of long-term vision. We learn the value of doing what is right, and not just what is easy. In a culture obsessed with convenience and freedom, integrity can be a rare quality. Perhaps this is because we have a cultural habit of resisting limitation and restriction. And yet, limitation and restriction often provide the structure in which integrity can be born.
Living with integrity generates self-confidence and self-esteem. It is important to take time on a regular basis to examine whether your actions, your words and your vision are in alignment. Make it a priority to look into any imbalances you find and commit to resolving them. Take time to consider and, when necessary, revise your overall vision for life, making sure your actions and words support your ideals.
I surrender.
I will not read that blog anymore (no matter how hard it is to not click on that link).
I will take that integrity post to heart and live within what I consider to be my own integrity, which includes not rising to any bait and simply being the person I want to be.
In case you find it odd that I would post on a different, unmonitored blog, this post is simply an appreciation of the fact that we were warring with deep philosophy and I find that kinda sweet.
Well, bittersweet if anything.
Monday, September 18, 2006
tear it out and throw it onstage for all to see
step right up folks, here it is, the only heart in the world that's inside out.
yes yes, look right there, it's hollow under all of that fire and the blood flows on the outside.
legend states that every so often, a strong fire builds inside that hollow and clears out all of the blues that get too heavy and sticky.
the fire leaves it looking like some of those redwood trees up there in northern california.
still growing but the center of the bottom is hollow and charred.
the tops are green and red, just as they should be.
and their root system is so wide that they don't even need the center to have any mass for them to remain standing.
that is just like this heart folks.
it is currently in burn mode.
you can see the smoke exit thru the aorta.
it's wings are gone and the blood has retreated until the burn subsides some.
there is always some fear that the charred tissue will become all that there is of this little heart so until that time, step right up and watch it burn.
perhaps the blood will flow again and sprout new wings.
perhaps not.
yes yes, look right there, it's hollow under all of that fire and the blood flows on the outside.
legend states that every so often, a strong fire builds inside that hollow and clears out all of the blues that get too heavy and sticky.
the fire leaves it looking like some of those redwood trees up there in northern california.
still growing but the center of the bottom is hollow and charred.
the tops are green and red, just as they should be.
and their root system is so wide that they don't even need the center to have any mass for them to remain standing.
that is just like this heart folks.
it is currently in burn mode.
you can see the smoke exit thru the aorta.
it's wings are gone and the blood has retreated until the burn subsides some.
there is always some fear that the charred tissue will become all that there is of this little heart so until that time, step right up and watch it burn.
perhaps the blood will flow again and sprout new wings.
perhaps not.
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