halloween weekend photoshoot

ciamac took photos of me this weekend - it was so much fun helping him learn how to use studio lights... here are some of my favorites from the raw collection - I can't wait to see how he processes them:







this one's a little stern but the light is soo good

recent events in haiku

today:
flipping thru a book
time to turn to the next page;
i reach for my mouse

two days ago:
tried on boots today
too bad they were not perfect.
i am very sad

off and on but regularly (and cheesily expressed):
wishing for a cause
but only receive a pause;
my shoulders drop down

two weeks ago:
fall in the city,
like summer on the east coast:
party on the beach

orange blood..blood oranges

orange blood

..being told that my blood is deficient and then feeling dizzy for minutes after a hot bath and dinner
..my face felt like rubber as I splashed water on it and my hands feel too big
..headaches
..feeling 'too old' and 'like a librarian' at a club when all I want to do is dance
..smog and smoke from week-long wild fires making the sinuses hurt
..chronic ear problems
..hungry but don't want to go downstairs and cross the street for soup
..crooked glasses and I don't care
..too many things that I want to do and not enough time to do them all
..halloween's on a frikin' monday

blood oranges

..falling asleep on the acupunture table, under the heat lamp, before work
..boo's deep, white bathtub and endless hot water
..going on a plane to hear my boo play records, again
..getting a compliment from a stranger on one of my home made skirts
..the stars on hollywood blvd
..boo brings the soup upstairs on his way home and it's better than ever before
..maybe getting those new frames with the curly bits on one edge
..supportive friends who want to work on creative projects with me and who ping me regularly to make sure said projects are still on the radar
..halloween week starts with a bauhaus concert, has some costume making in the middle, a possible tour of a s&m dungeon and ends with a divali party on all saints day

all i need is what i had

it's as if last november were still here
on the way to the cove of memory
to process a finished love
and feed the intertidal life

air: merely cold
light: x-rays into my longingness

then the tears came with no control
the tears now are less
tho sourced similarly

then: survival mode
innards exposed without interpretation or understanding

now:the girl with her memories etched into her skin with permanence
hears the story and is inspired
puts her spin out there

[whispers]
your x-ray perception
straight to my heart
has shown me
that the essence I was forced to expose
is all that matters

i want to thank her
and avoid her calls
for sharing

___________________________
i'm in the midst of a trauma, leave a message, I'll call you back...
some people should die, that's just unconscious knowledge.
because, the deeper you go, the wider you spread. you've gotta depend on me now, your vision is dead

those lyrics have always resonated with me for some reason. now it all makes sense.

adrenalized

today is really busy - lots going on at work. big deposit to make and then enter into "the system" while also entering transactions (the bookkeeping hat is my least favorite here) and these are so time and focus consuming. i also have this design competiton to process and i'm hoping that my boss has read and responded to my email. i assume incorrectly that he'll have a little pile to hand me when i ask him for it.

all of a sudden, it's 4:45 and i haven't processed our entry forms for the ReBrand 100 competition and today is the LATE entry post mark deadline. there is no pile prepped at the boss's desk so i calmly wait for him to sort the collateral that he's had for three days now (why do they always ignore emails?) so that i can get the forms processed.

it is now 5pm.
i've missed the drop box deadline so I call my favorite bike messenger, Mary at Drag Racer (an all girl bike messenger shop where the owner, Mary, rides all day) and tell her i need her help desperately. i babble something into her voicemail about which FedEx spot has the latest deadline and how i would love it if she could show up and wait for me to bring her the box.
[i felt bad about that but needed to ask - I like to save my "need" requests for when it's desperate.]

she calls back and asks the FedEx guy next to her about deadlines
[the one close to my office] is a good bet she says he says.
sweet, can you be here at 5:15?
totally. will it be ready?
i hope so!

5:15 comes and i'm still having to jump thru hoops for this $350 competition.
plastic sleeve 1 needs this doc.
plastic sleeve 2 needs these docs in triplicate.
everything must be in a three ring binder.
label everything clearly and you won't get anything back.

i've never been so ON in my life. the plastic sleeves are in that room. the binders are in this room. the copier is across the studio. thank goodness my printer is right here.
everything is coming together, in the box and ready to go.

THEN

the FedEx website is slow as molasses in winter.
but, Mary is out front prepared to be a drama queen at the fed ex counter - "i just fell off my bike and i'll get fired if this doesn't get to the east coast tomorrow and your website is really slow."
[she's my girl - she offered the drama.]

the hand off occurs with a request for a call back with the results.

i exhale.

Mary calls
everything is on it's way east. oh, and, by the way, for future reference, the deadline is 5:40, not 5:30
awesome, so we were only three minutes late rather than 18!
exactly.
girl, I'm buying you drinks on Friday at 4:20.
sweet!

gawd i love adrenaline.

Blue Lock

Blue Lock
Originally uploaded by fakeamerica.

this photo makes me feel nice.