"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the "Universe," a part limited in time and space.
He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness...
Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
-Albert Einstein
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
clawing her way out
For a few weeks now, I've been ready to cry at the slightest bit of depth.
Last week, I left a trail of tears in front of a sculpture installation at SFMoMa, as well as every bit of art leading up to it.
I hear songs that move me and can't listen with joy any longer.
I see people performing double dutch tricks at parties and I roll my eyes jealously that I don't have "a thing" that is all mine and then I want to tell everyone about these amazing girls who get paid to perform rope jumping.
There is a wild, uninhibited, confident, tigress of an artist stuck underneath the veil of an anxiety ridden, hesitant, nervous nelly with bloody fingers from chewing (and a bloody scalp from scratching). The tiger is no longer comfortable under this skin and her claws make my day somewhat uncomfortable in turn.
If only I could rip open my chest and let her out.
My sense is that 1) I need to serve others but I only have this thought because of religious teaching - I've served others and not felt the alleviation of this frustration which leads me to sense 2) I need to spend a significant amount of time creating.
If that doesn't work, well, I'll tell the driver to stop so I can get off this damned bus.
Last week, I left a trail of tears in front of a sculpture installation at SFMoMa, as well as every bit of art leading up to it.
I hear songs that move me and can't listen with joy any longer.
I see people performing double dutch tricks at parties and I roll my eyes jealously that I don't have "a thing" that is all mine and then I want to tell everyone about these amazing girls who get paid to perform rope jumping.
There is a wild, uninhibited, confident, tigress of an artist stuck underneath the veil of an anxiety ridden, hesitant, nervous nelly with bloody fingers from chewing (and a bloody scalp from scratching). The tiger is no longer comfortable under this skin and her claws make my day somewhat uncomfortable in turn.
If only I could rip open my chest and let her out.
My sense is that 1) I need to serve others but I only have this thought because of religious teaching - I've served others and not felt the alleviation of this frustration which leads me to sense 2) I need to spend a significant amount of time creating.
If that doesn't work, well, I'll tell the driver to stop so I can get off this damned bus.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
June 17th, 4:00pm - chat
hi baby
i've been pleasantly lost in thoughts of you all day
i had pizza for lunch. office meeting
just walked around the city w/ dave a bit
4:10 PM
Shalako has gone offline.
4:45 PM
Shalako is now online.
4:55 PM
aww
you're such a poet
I ate a pot cookie about an hour and a half ago and made a deposit at the bank
then I went to sfmoma and cried for about 10 minutes in front of a piece that consisted of boxes carved into the wall, with shoes or a shoe or a shoe form in side the boxes and then a cow's bladder stretched across the hole and stitched with surgical thread to the wall.
i've been pleasantly lost in thoughts of you all day
i had pizza for lunch. office meeting
just walked around the city w/ dave a bit
4:10 PM
Shalako has gone offline.
4:45 PM
Shalako is now online.
4:55 PM
aww
you're such a poet
I ate a pot cookie about an hour and a half ago and made a deposit at the bank
then I went to sfmoma and cried for about 10 minutes in front of a piece that consisted of boxes carved into the wall, with shoes or a shoe or a shoe form in side the boxes and then a cow's bladder stretched across the hole and stitched with surgical thread to the wall.
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