oh to have been that photographer.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Sunday, February 20, 2005
true wisdom
the wisdom of the ages
is contained herein
look closely grasshopper
take notes
and do
be this
this is your liberation
{thank you miss mila for being my muse for a minute}
Saturday, February 19, 2005
crimson pictures
to quote my friend miks "honey t" - "this is the best 'bitch please' i've seen" - say no more...
this t-shirt was made by me in honor of the chinese new year - for the year of the cock. the letters are made of reflective tape. the electrical tape on my hands and arms is my version of rooster legs.
redwood
I visited my sister Heather up in Arcata a while back. I wanted to get out of SF for a bit, take the my cousin Morris the doggers to the trees and make use of my uncle's car.
Morris and I stopped at about hour 5, on a road called Avenue of the Giants, and ran around in the rain moistened woods. The trees were tall, loving, soft, grand and wonderful. The air was cold and humid due to the rain being persistent and making its way thru the canopy to the ground and it smelled of decaying forest - one of the best scents available to humans on Earth.
"redwood tree. 15 inches. left side of spine. have it done while you're here."
"Really?" I thought in response to this sudden burst of information. "Okay, why not..."
Long story short - on the day I headed back to SF, I stopped by a tattoo shop, approved the drawing made the day previous, and subjected myself to 45 minutes of having what felt like a hot needle being dragged across my skin.
The trunk was the most painful aspect of the piece - it makes sense since that is the way in which those magnificent trees connect with our beloved Gaia.
Soon, I will have the work updated - either the outline cleaned up or the whole thing filled in. Those who have seen it are divided - some say "don't touch it, the outline is fabulous" and others who can't wait to see the fill. It started as an outline for a piece that would be filled with variegated greens and redwood and I feel that I should finish what I started.
Especially since I've come up with more ideas for additional work - one thing at a time girl, one step at a time.
Morris and I stopped at about hour 5, on a road called Avenue of the Giants, and ran around in the rain moistened woods. The trees were tall, loving, soft, grand and wonderful. The air was cold and humid due to the rain being persistent and making its way thru the canopy to the ground and it smelled of decaying forest - one of the best scents available to humans on Earth.
"redwood tree. 15 inches. left side of spine. have it done while you're here."
"Really?" I thought in response to this sudden burst of information. "Okay, why not..."
Long story short - on the day I headed back to SF, I stopped by a tattoo shop, approved the drawing made the day previous, and subjected myself to 45 minutes of having what felt like a hot needle being dragged across my skin.
The trunk was the most painful aspect of the piece - it makes sense since that is the way in which those magnificent trees connect with our beloved Gaia.
Soon, I will have the work updated - either the outline cleaned up or the whole thing filled in. Those who have seen it are divided - some say "don't touch it, the outline is fabulous" and others who can't wait to see the fill. It started as an outline for a piece that would be filled with variegated greens and redwood and I feel that I should finish what I started.
Especially since I've come up with more ideas for additional work - one thing at a time girl, one step at a time.
it's easier than you think
loving myself
an unending process of discovery
constant
true
loving others
an unending process of fulfillment
mutable and everpresent
true
tell me about love
go to the limb, climb out onto it, get the fruits and fly away
birth verity
listen to the missives of the light beings
heed the words
act
keep looking forward
knowing that the path lies under your feet
the balance will be struck
relax into being
for there is the love
it's easier than you think
an unending process of discovery
constant
true
loving others
an unending process of fulfillment
mutable and everpresent
true
tell me about love
go to the limb, climb out onto it, get the fruits and fly away
birth verity
listen to the missives of the light beings
heed the words
act
keep looking forward
knowing that the path lies under your feet
the balance will be struck
relax into being
for there is the love
it's easier than you think
Friday, February 04, 2005
process end...to begin
Tuesday, I missed my yoga class by 5 minutes and thus got my exercise by walking from Hayes Valley, along Dolores Street, to my home in Glen Park. The walk took about an hour and I loved every minute of it.
This is not a foreign experience in my world.
However, it took seperating my life from another human to open myself again to the experience of walking for walking's sake.
And thank goodness for that seperation.
Now, I allow myself the time it takes to walk from point A to point B.
Then, I just wanted to get home to my best friend - to my nest-mate - to make dinner, watch TV, converse and laugh together. We would walk together - around the lake we lived next to, to the best movie theater ever - that just happened to be only a handful of blocks away, around the hills a few minutes drive from our nest, to the BART station on our way to something fun in the city - but we mostly spent time in the apartment that we chose together because it was our favorite place to be.
Even with the acute level of enjoyment that accompanied this life, I still felt that I wasn't as fulfilled as I should have been. This was a great point of contention within me and was the eventual downfall of the entire situation.
Again, this was a good thing.
Some say he was too conservative for me - I liked that about him, it just rubbed off on me too much and I squelched the free spirit inside me.
Within the relationship, I blamed him for not being open "enough" with me - he was the most open man I've ever shared a relationship with.
I felt a supreme lack of joy inside - typical human experience - and that made him too sad to help me talk it out.
He wanted to be with that happy girl he fell in love with.
I was ready to have a life partner who would help me dissect my humanity and learn to do it better.
Neither of us could offer what the other was asking for.
And we all know the vision quality of hindsight...I come to these words after 5 days shy of exactly 5 months past the decision to seperate. Understanding has come with time - as everyone told me it would when I was a slobbering mess on the phone only a few weeks ago.
In actuality, we were two puzzle pieces that only looked as if they made a coherant picture - upon close inspection, these pieces were not even in the same section of the image.
I have finally gotten to the point of knowing that it is no one's fault. I did not scare him away with my desire for more emotional intimacy (of my liking) and he did not bore me to dissatisfaction. We are two beautiful beings who lost ourselves in our shared nest of comfort and sweetness.
My body sighs. My soul is grateful that we were able to fulfill our first-month's pact to remain real in the partnership - we didn't want to stay in it simply for the sake of that comfort.
So, we didn't...
And now I walk and welcome the world that I had been leaving outside the front door for a few years. On the path I tred, is a vow to always keep walking and taking time to be with the only person who will be with me forever.
Right now she is sad - with with a huge bowl of hope on the side.
This is not a foreign experience in my world.
However, it took seperating my life from another human to open myself again to the experience of walking for walking's sake.
And thank goodness for that seperation.
Now, I allow myself the time it takes to walk from point A to point B.
Then, I just wanted to get home to my best friend - to my nest-mate - to make dinner, watch TV, converse and laugh together. We would walk together - around the lake we lived next to, to the best movie theater ever - that just happened to be only a handful of blocks away, around the hills a few minutes drive from our nest, to the BART station on our way to something fun in the city - but we mostly spent time in the apartment that we chose together because it was our favorite place to be.
Even with the acute level of enjoyment that accompanied this life, I still felt that I wasn't as fulfilled as I should have been. This was a great point of contention within me and was the eventual downfall of the entire situation.
Again, this was a good thing.
Some say he was too conservative for me - I liked that about him, it just rubbed off on me too much and I squelched the free spirit inside me.
Within the relationship, I blamed him for not being open "enough" with me - he was the most open man I've ever shared a relationship with.
I felt a supreme lack of joy inside - typical human experience - and that made him too sad to help me talk it out.
He wanted to be with that happy girl he fell in love with.
I was ready to have a life partner who would help me dissect my humanity and learn to do it better.
Neither of us could offer what the other was asking for.
And we all know the vision quality of hindsight...I come to these words after 5 days shy of exactly 5 months past the decision to seperate. Understanding has come with time - as everyone told me it would when I was a slobbering mess on the phone only a few weeks ago.
In actuality, we were two puzzle pieces that only looked as if they made a coherant picture - upon close inspection, these pieces were not even in the same section of the image.
I have finally gotten to the point of knowing that it is no one's fault. I did not scare him away with my desire for more emotional intimacy (of my liking) and he did not bore me to dissatisfaction. We are two beautiful beings who lost ourselves in our shared nest of comfort and sweetness.
My body sighs. My soul is grateful that we were able to fulfill our first-month's pact to remain real in the partnership - we didn't want to stay in it simply for the sake of that comfort.
So, we didn't...
And now I walk and welcome the world that I had been leaving outside the front door for a few years. On the path I tred, is a vow to always keep walking and taking time to be with the only person who will be with me forever.
Right now she is sad - with with a huge bowl of hope on the side.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
75 degrees does something to me
the air is filled with nostalgia
my breath tastes of
disembodied
maudlin
patterns of thought
unable to use a naming protocol
in reference to the swirling waters of
my emotional body
I enhale the sunlight
and keep on walking
my breath tastes of
disembodied
maudlin
patterns of thought
unable to use a naming protocol
in reference to the swirling waters of
my emotional body
I enhale the sunlight
and keep on walking
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