crimsonic

Alfredo and the best corn muffins ever

2009-09-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

I've been a fan of corn bread and corn muffins since I can remember.
So, when I saw this post by Shanny's sister, Rena: http://sandwicharchitecture.wordpress.com I decided to try it.
Ever the fiddler, here's how I changed it.

Rena's Corn Muffins
Slightly adapted
(I copied and pasted her recipe and directions and edited where I changed it)

Ingredients

* 2 1/3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
* 1/3 cup whole wheat flour
* 1 cup natural cane sugar
* 1 cup coarse cornmeal
* 2 tablespoons baking powder
* 1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
* 1 1/4 cup whole milk
* 1/4 cup sour cream
* 1/2 pound (two sticks) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
* 3 large eggs

Directions

- Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
- Line 17 (I know, sorry) muffin cups with paper liners (or just grease the tin with some organic sunflower oil).
- Loosely measure the flours into your sifter and sift into a bowl.
- Spoon the sifted flour into your measuring cup and drag the back of a butter knife across the surface to measure (do not shake or this will increase the flour amount and make for denser muffins)
- Put the flour, sugar, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt into a largeish mixing bowl, and whisk with a loose whisk (meaning, lots of space between the wires – we’ll need this later) to incorporate.
- In a glass 4 cup measuring cup, measure out the milk.
- Add a dollop of sour cream to get the milk line up to the 1 1/2 mark.
- Whisk together well but don't worry about the little bits of sour cream.
- In a separate bowl, combine this milk mixture and the cooled melted butter.
- Crack the eggs into a cup or small bowl (I used the glass measuring cup), and whisk until smooth.
- Add the eggs to the wet mixture, and whisk until combined.
- Pour the wet mixture into the dry (when I did this all in one pour, it made the cooled PFLOUP sound), and whisk (this is why we needed a loose whisk – it will be thick) until just blended.
- Use a 1/4 cup scoop to measure the batter into the paper liners (one scoop will fill each most of the way to the top).
- Bake for 30 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean. (I actually pulled them out without testing because they looked SO FREAKING PERFECT at 30 min mark - perfectly curved on top, with little cracks and just golden brown enough)
- Cool slightly and remove from the pan.

The paper liners come off without trying - it's amazing.
Shannon said, "I can't help but think of Mr. Crick."
I said, "Who's Mr. Crick?"
"That guy in Stranger than Fiction. I feel like he did when he at that cookie."

These are the best corn muffins ever! Thank you Rena!!
I didn't have a second muffin pan so I put paper liners in some ramekins and they worked out just fine. You can see here that we got a little distracted before I remembered to take a picture for you!

While I was putting them together, I discovered some unused fresh egg pasta that I got at Lucca Ravioli last week and realized it needed to be cooked asap. I've had fresh pasta in a plastic bag in the fridge get mouldy within two weeks. This pasta was only in the paper they wrapped it in when I bought it so it got a little dried out.
To me, fettucini needs to have a cream sauce so I set about to make the following alfredo from scratch without a recipe. It turned out really well.

Addy's Alfredo
2 T butter
2 T unbleached all purpose flour
1 c Half & Half
1 c stock (whatever kind you use, know that you will taste it a little bit. I used Low Sodium Organic Chicken stock)
1 1/2 c shredded mixed cheeses
I used - 1/4 c fresh parmesean, 1/4 c or 1 oz cream cheese, 1/2 c monterey jack & 1/2 c cheddar
1/2 t salt
1/2 t black pepper (or to taste)
1/8 t nutmeg

- Mix the half & half and stock together and take the chill off them. You can heat them or they can be room temp - I haven't found it makes much difference as long as they're not cold. Set aside.
- Make a roux with the butter & flour.
- I do this by melting the butter over medium heat until it's foaming and, using a whisk and only ever a whisk, sprinkle the flour in slowly & uniformly, until the entire thing is uniform and foamy. It's okay, and even recommended, to let it brown a touch, but it's more important to get everything whisked together quickly and without lumps. And, by no means, will you let it burn!
- Still over medium heat, slowly and steadily add the stock mixture in a steady stream until it's all incorporated. You should go slowly enough that you're able to make a consistent paste that gets thinner and thinner as you add the stock. You'll see what I mean as you're doing it and if you've never made a roux before, it might take you a couple of tries before it makes sense. But it's SO worth it - it's the base of so many great sauces and is really easy once you know how to do it.
- Stir with the whisk for a few minutes still over medium heat. The sauce should thicken within 3-5 minutes.
- Once it's got a nice thickness, take it off the heat and stir in the cheese until it's incorporated. This will thicken the sauce a bit more.
- Mix in the salt, pepper and nutmeg.
- Pour onto thick, flat pasta like fettuccini or tagliarini and enjoy!

We had some left over grilled chicken so I chopped that up and added it with 1/2 a bag of frozen peas and it was quite a treat.

Dream Journal - Entry 06

2009-08-26T15:27:00.000-07:00

Was in my own bed with Shan - as if I'd slept with my eyes open. Shan had a little puppy - perhaps a Jack Russell - who's name was Watson. It was clear to me that Watson was Shan's dog. I asked him if he was training him and he said "he likes to heel" and Watson snuggled up with him.

__
Was at some kind of convention - perhaps seeing Amma. Jared was there and was really freaked out. I saw him hiding in a room and went to check on him. He said he couldn't handle the purifying energy and I suggested that he go for a walk in the woods and really ground his energy in the earth. Some women were coming into the room to do some Vedic chanting - they seemed like Mother Divine women and they thought he needed the chanting to help him. He agreed because they were pretty strong about it so I left feeling that he'd made the wrong choice.

I ended up in the bath with a short haired redheaded girl. I asked her if she was lesbian or bi and she said "why do you want to categorize yourself to everyone" and then told me that seeing me in the bath made her tingle. I felt excited and hesitant.

Dream Journal - Entry 05

2009-08-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

I was taken to mavericks for my first surfing lesson. The pros helping with the lesson shouted boredly that a small shark was coming, as if it were no big deal. It swam by me pretty close and I remained calm. Then it went after me a little bit by trying to bite my foot but I chased it away by flailing my hands under water at it.
The instructor then showed me to a tall cave that was right on the edge of the crest of the wave (I've watched a few videos of surfing at Mavericks and have strong visuals of what the parts of the wave look like). The cave was at the top of a very tall waterfall that the instructor told me his father used to throw him down with a truck wheel inner tube around him. He gave the an inner tube and tossed me into the dark, narrow, wet cave - similar to Alice in Wonderland. The fall was very long and watery and I didn't scream very much. I was pretty scared but exhilerated. When I hit water I could tell that I'd been falling fast. I went all the way to the rocky bottom but only with a touch on my foot. I pushed off and floated to surface quickly with the help of rubber innertube.
To get back up top had to go thru a disgusting hotel that had little kids running & playing wildly. One floor had a ceiling only four feet tall. Couldn't find my way out but found the history of the cavern in millions of years time lapse. It was under the Lincoln memorial, even tho it didn't look like the Lincoln memorial and was in the South, and started as a very special tree with very deep roots. To build the Lincoln memorial the tree was removed and pulling out the roots created the waterfall cavern.

Dream Journal - Entry 04

2009-08-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

I was travelling in New England & found myself driving. Bob showed up in passenger seat and was in charge of the gas pedal. I was happy but a little concerned about speed & navigation matching.
We ended up in Portland, in an industrial part like near Casco Bay Lines & this is where he & Alysia lived.
I found a board with colorful, differently sized letters behind glass. The "L e" of "Leash" was there & I happily attempted to spell out the rest by tapping the glass. The letters would come up magically but not always right so it got a little frustrating. Alysia came home before I could get it to work.
We all ended up just holding each other in our wintery clothes on a bed-like couch. We didn't talk, it was very sweet.

nopa experience

2009-07-20T23:48:00.000-07:00

I've always thought about writing detailed restaurant reviews here at crimsonic but always just defaulted to yelp due to its ease of use and ubiquity.

however, i had such a great experience at nopa last night, that i decided to pop my proverbial restaurant review cherry here.

for months now i've been seeing my friend violet's tweets about going to nopa, her photos of things like burgers and bacon brittle, and hearing her tell me what a great spot it is.
i even started following her friend richie on twitter because of her post where he, i assume, sent her home with a burger bun she'd requested be held.
he's got a fun blog with a question of the week, observations/thoughts, quotes from the kitchen (my personal favorite segment) and photos.

to get a little tangential, i must say that following some people's blogs and twitter streams is like happily running into someone often at parties or "the regular spot" (wherever that may be for you - the library, a bar, the back of the bike repair shop, your local tattoo parlor): you feel like you kind of know them, you have easy things to talk about, and you want to know them more and have more things to talk about.

that said, when i walked into nopa with my man & no reservation and the hostess smiled at me and offered the chef's counter, i was excited to finally meet richie of linecook fame and get to watch some of that quoted hilarity in action.

this is the finishing counter before the dishes get taken to the tables. I wanted to get a shot of six plates of beautifully seared halibut but I was too slow on the draw, and they're super fast on the delivery. instead, I caught a burger with a side of greens going out with a burger with a different kind of delicious - fries. I'm sad I didn't try the greens... I do love greens. I'm jealous.

It was so much fun to watch the plates get finished here - so much olive oil, pepper, and basil aoli getting poured, cracked and dished!

when we walked up to the counter, the team made courteous nods and I said to richie (I recognized him from his blog photos) "we're twitter friends" and he and Ponder said "all right!" or "oh cool!" or something like that (now I'm following him too...) Ponder pointed someone out to me but it was a little loud and I thought he was telling me the foursquare mayor was there but he was telling me that sean penn was there (which I found out tonight in perusing tweets about nopa from yesterday). i'm really glad I didn't hear him correctly or I would have been irritatingly star struck and might have missed some of the joy I got from my meal and observations.

Okay, enough jibber jabber. Here's my list of favorite things:

- i don't spend much time or money in upscale restaurants, but like to, a lot. i tend to feel a bit like a country bumpkin in there - especially when the amuse bouche arrives. I tend to get overly enthusiastic about surprise bites.
last night was no exception but it was about the salt. the yummy little salad on a crouton was served with a little finger bowl of malden sea salt.
i've heard of it, read about it and known of its existence for a while but have never been exposed to it in its raw form like that.
it's beautiful! little tiny square crystals of salt. we played with those until our drinks came.

- i really liked my white manhattan - white whisky is really sexy - strong like, um, brown (?) whisky, but much fresher. [I'll have to ask our friend Camper over at Alcademics about white vs brown/aged/whatever it's called whisky.]

- we ordered burgers cooked differently - mine medium, his medium rare. and whaddya know, mine was done a touch more than his and had plenty of pink. i guess i don't order the burger in upscale restaurants very much (that just made me think of that scene in the Nanny Diaries - no linking - if you've seen it, you know. if not, carry on and forget I even brought it up) but having the burgers turn out exactly right was unprecedented and made me happy. um. I think my country bumpkin in showing...

- the corn on the cob cooked in and smothered by house made basil aoli was freakin' delish! cooking corn in a hot oven rather than steaming/boiling is a really wonderful way to make it.
and what a treat to have a little something sent out by the kitchen when I've only just met them! thanks guys!

- i love pudding.
and custard.
and panna cotta.
all things egg/milk/sugar/gelatin/cooked.
love them.
but, i usually avoid creme brulee because the few times I've had it, the predominant flavor was sterno, which I always attributed to the pastry chef holding the torch too close to the sugar, burning it quickly, rather than using the less hot tho less sterno-y front of the flame for a touch longer.
anyway, possibly flawed theories aside, I couldn't resist burned honey creme brulee and figured I'd take a chance.
and I'm so glad I did - not a whif of sterno could be smelt and that dessert was out of hand (outta hand!).
burned honey - whoda thunk it?
the marinated strawberry on top was nice - a few more would have been even better!
I could have done without the short bread that accompanied - I've never been much of a fan of dry, crumbly sweet things. I save my dry crumbly for aged cheese. however, as far as shortbread goes, it was quite nice - great tooth & flavor, just not my thing.

- shan got the fruit galette with chevre ice cream and both were perfect. the ice cream was just the right amount of goaty, sour and sweet. and the galette was basically that perfect mix of sweet, light, flaky crust and fruit.

- my first sip of their house made earl grey cream liquor was stupendous.
subsequent sips wished for less coffee flavor and more bergamot. I mean, I'm a huge fan of earl grey and was expecting to be given a lot of bergamot and tea flavor. when our waitress told us of the ingredients (I think she said it had rum, tequila, coffee, earl grey and lots of other things) I was suprised by the addition of coffee but figured they knew what was up.
call me traditionalist but I want my tea based things to taste of tea, not it's uppity younger cousin. (my mouth loves coffee but my stomach does not so I'm a bit bitter - much like the coffee I favor but cannot drink)

Here you see my earl grey cream liquor and three cooks - Ponder (grill master), Linecook (Richie) (sous master) and the oven master whose name I didn't catch. The oven master had an awesome flatbread dough rolling technique that was fascinating to watch. He cranked out order after order of that flatbread and it was all made exactly the same. I know that's how it's done but it's rare to get to watch it without being a part of the bustling kitchen stuff (I was a food service person for a few years in my youth - a chef once told me to "get out. get out while you still can!" and I took his advice and got into administrative assisting instead. a similar tho less smelly and less delicious profession.)

- the typeography of their menus was super fun but hard to photograph because it was curvy justified. here's a section of the dessert menu - the digestifs and coffee/tea. Yum!

When we left we were so very satisfied and happy. My experience was everything I'd been hoping for and I'm looking forward to going back as the seasons and thus, the menu offerings, change a bit. We were so full and sleepy that Shan took a lil nap while we waited in the bus stop - you can see the dining room thru the glass so know that it's an easy spot to get to and from! Lots of public transportation options!

Bonne appetite readers!
Merci nopa!

PRIDE weekend!

2009-06-29T15:32:00.000-07:00

This is the first time in my almost 8 years living in the Bay Area that I celebrated Pride weekend ALL WEEKEND!

SATURDAY

My friends Jim and Kiki live in a great apartment that overlooks the Dyke March's route so they open their doors to us almost every year so we can watch/participate.

The Dyke March is always on "pink saturday" and I had to arrive after working all day. I left work a bit early as this is a super important fun event that happens once a year. It's like a bday party - totally worth clocking out an hour early.
I stopped at home to feed the cat and change and ran up the street to Jim's place with my rainbow body paint kit with 15 minutes to get painted before the Dykes on Bikes went roaring down the street.

That was a great start to the weekend.
[click any photo to see it larger]

During the parade I was busy "participating" and only caught one image.

A little girl walked by with her moms and a poster that said "I <3 my 2 mommies." I was slow on the shutter and thought I missed them.
As you can see, one of her mommies asked her to turn around for me. That just breaks my heart open with joy - I wish this photo could show you how freakin' cute this little girl's face is.

Violet Blue and I met at this very same party five years ago. We call it our anniversary. Here she is in all her hot gangsta glory (wearing Ben's hat).

My 89 (??) year old Grand-Aunt Polly is a Old Lesbian Organized for Change (OLOC) and she and her ladies were posted up in the sweet viewing spot of the corner of 16th/Dolores where they got a fab, ground eye view of the parade. I was too busy introducing her to Kiki and Violet and being introduced to all of Polly's friends that I forgot to get a pic, but one of her friends got a great one with what looked like a really good camera.
I'm really glad I've started spending time with her - she's totally together and fun and has a lot to say and contribute. Her friends were super cute when they found out I am her grand-niece.
Y'all should support all the Old Lesbians in your area - they freakin' rock!

After the parade ended, Violet took Ben and me to "a sekrit party in the armory." The armory is owned by Kink.com (NSFW).
It was my first visit to the giant building that I ride past every morning on my way to work, so I was excited to see the rooms and how they've got everything set up.
There were a few scenes being filmed that night but the crowd, which was pretty non-usual for that space according to Violet, was really lame and took the fun out of watching.

We wandered around with our free drinks and took pics in the different themed rooms, which was super fun.

Violet took this selfie of us and I totally <3 it.

Just about every room had a row of pegs as well as O rings strategically placed in all kinds of places.

Violet got her first Digital SLR photography lesson while I explored a small closet.

Ben and I both got psyched about the light right here and Violet was happy to oblige us with her keen modeling skills.

We decided we'd have more fun eating than sticking around (again, lame "industry" crowd - boo) so we went to Monk's Kettle [Their kitchen is open until 1am, btw...] and all ordered burgers and ginger beer. This was my third or fourth visit and I felt confident highly recommending it to these two who'd wanted to check it but hadn't yet - they were pleased.
2am, time to sleep.

SUNDAY
I woke up around 10 and called the boys to figure out the plan for the day. It was decided that we'd start by meeting at Jim's to watch a bit of US vs Brazil soccer (wow - the first half was awesome. didn't see the second.) and have some champagne and glitter.
Fur removed......glitter and sunscreen applied, we headed over to Zuni's street party to say hi to our bday friend Janice who was pouring drinks for the first time. She made us some mean margaritas, got some glitter (and sunscreen!) applied and we headed down to Civic Center for the after parade party.

We walked into the festivities via the dance music area while they were in the middle of a Michael Jackson tribute set, which made me really happy.

Yay for gay pride & kissing outside!

This beautiful man and his two little girls looked so sweet to me, I had to ask for a photo. He obliged me with such a sweet smile - I was very happy.

This mirror ball man of awesomeness was sitting on the curb, looking a little sad, when we started dancing in front of him. A few minutes later, he perked up and started dancing as well and people started taking photos almost immediately. I could tell he really enjoyed having his photo taken in that fabulous outfit. That made me super happy.

I saw this tattoo from across the dance-street and had to record it, with permission of course. I think it's wonderful and really says a lot, even if I don't believe in God and his/her judgement, per se.

We walked home before the sun went down and I had a long relaxing evening with my man after his return from a weekend riding trip.

Best pride ever thanks to good friends, excellent imbibles and perfect weather in my favorite city.

<3

Rock Steady

2009-06-24T22:31:00.000-07:00

Shannon has a little medley he likes to sing every once in a while.
It goes like this:
"Solid. Solid as a rock, steady, steady rockin' all night long."

I can't remember why it came up tonight but we realized it's a medley of two songs from the 80s that use "rock" in the chorus so off to YouTube I went to find them.

First, I found Solid - a fun song and a cute vid. Dude's got some serious style but his stylist on the video shoot should have untucked his jacket...

Then I found the gold: The Whispers: Rock Steady.

If you don't have five minutes to spend with your speakers on, come back when you do. I'll wait.

Okay.

Ready?

I need to make a time stamp list of awesomeness (if you click on the video to go to the youtube page, there should be a comment by addycat777 [aka me] with the time stamps as links if you want to save yourself a little effort - however, not all of these are there and I got the numbers wrong and youtube wouldn't let me edit or repost - argh!):

1. 0:37 - favorite dance move with the appendicular body

2. 0:59 - love the bearded back up singer/dancer (his beard looks glued on)
Watch for more of him cuz his moves are hot. (I'll spare you additional time stamps about him)

3. 1:26 - hey! where did those dancers come from?

4. 1:36 - "doin' the snake. mmm...maybe not..."

5. 1:44 - his "jazz square" pirouette reminds me of my jazz dance class when I was 9. We listened to this song during our warm up, which included jazz squares with our feet and hips.

6. 1:57 - enter freight elevator. that must be on what the crowd comes to populate this underground funk party.

7. 2:31-2:34 - I WILL learn this dance move and show you at the next party.

8. 2:48 - is that a tour jete I see in the background?? Justin did a couple of those for me on my birthday. He's really good at it, very graceful and always has pointed toes (even in cycling shoes!).

9. 3:22 - after more freight elevator and a moment without the crowd, they're in their party suits.

10. 3:32 - dude with the sunglasses and half-fro is really feelin' it

11. 3:55 - can't quite figure out why they went back to the other, "not party" suits...

12. 4:06 - looks like they can't either!

13. 4:33 - I know they used the "not party" suit footage here because of this sick move. it's spontaneous - not to be replicated - magic, caught on film.

This song makes me happy. Although, after trying to get all of those time stamps just right, I need to avoid it for a little while... but this video I could watch without sound, over and over while practicing all of those moves. Soon, I too will be able to dance like Barack Obama.

ALC8 wrap up....finally

2009-06-18T22:57:00.000-07:00

AIDS/Lifecycle 8 was a mixed bag for me starting with fundraising finishing with the ride itself.

- I wanted to raise $5k and made it as far as $3600, which is awesome, just not what I was aiming for.

- I had physical challenges that kept me off of the bike for about 160 of 560 miles.
* My handlebars weren't set in their ideal ergonomic state and that made my hands, especially my right one, really painful to ride with (and for some time after).
* The padding in my shorts was irritating my skin in a way that made sitting on the seat something painful enough to draw tears.
* The good news about these issues is that they are totally avoidable in the future and they did not keep me off the bike for any more miles than they did - yay!

Now it's been just over two weeks since we left LA and quads are back to normal, sitting on my bike seat is very comfortable, my hands are pain free, and I'm rested.

Here are my favorite moments in list, and somewhat chronological, form.

Day one

- rest stop one - discovering those wonderful peanut butter and jelly graham cracker sandwiches that I'd had once before when I volunteered for ALC.

- Emily's cookie monster outfit made a lot of people smile.

- climbing the 92, getting to the top and being handed strawberries, and then riding down the beautiful, smooth curve into Half Moon Bay. Here's a fun little map showing when I was most excited.

- this little house in the woods made me really happy. so did all that green.

- Mom, this photo was taken for you. lighthouse in the fog.

Day two (celebrating 32 years of life)

- Emily made a little sign for my butt, Justin gave me a princess pinata that I tied to my do-rag and Shannon took this photo.

- Then, Greg gave me a ride to the SAG bus for the first time "only cuz it's your birthday!". I think it was wind that dissuaded me from continuing - cross winds are a BITCH!
The SAG bus, however, was Divalicious!

see the little TV (click for larger view)? They had The Supremes playing for us - very sweet.

Day three

- my favorite part of the ride was conquering The Quad Buster. Mostly because the downhill after was the most joyful exertion I've had in a long time. I had a few miles of superfast "onyourleft onyourleft" and then on the smooth flat after, from somewhere, I found a sprint and I raced (safely!) past a row of eight riders. Just as I settled in to a nice open road I hear "BOOS! You were riding REALLY FAST!" coming from behind me. Shannon caught up to me after waiting for our friends while I hit the downhill first. that made my day because he's much faster than me.

- entering central california - dry dry dry, but oh so photogenic.

- i broke the rules by taking this while riding but i'm SO pleased with the result (and i didn't get busted, or hurt)

- rest stop "dia de los muertos" where I told everyone in front of the camera to "pretend your dead" before I realized the rest stop theme.

Day four

- this day started out with pain in my hands so great that i was crying by 10 miles. i mistakenly thought that if i waited for the SAG bus at rest stop 1, i'd be driven to lunch to get taped/mended/magically cured and then ride the rest of the way to camp. what i didn't realize is that once on the SAG bus, you're going to camp. so, this was a sad day for me, tho, it was good to rest my hand.

- in that first 10 miles, Josh asked me what my goal for the day was and I laughed as I said, "honestly? to get to rest stop 1." He commended me for my realistic perspective and then congratulated me when we go there.

- i took this from the bus after deciding i wanted a photo of the fog AND a cyclist.

- synchronistically, i spotted Emily in her big bird costume from the bus TWICE, without knowing where on the route she was. that made the bus ride a little bit more bearable.

- once at camp, it was so windy that putting up the tents was a two person job. Silas and his recumbant had made it to camp even before the SAG bus so he helped me put up all three of the remaining tents for our team. that made me feel good. then we took pictures of the people sliding down the oil and water slip and slide that was created on the grassy knoll across the campground.

Day five Red Dress Day
- our gear roadies looked (especially) awesome this day

- favorite portrait

- favorite landscape

Day six Rained Out
Here's the story: This day included a small one lane bridge that the CHP had to close from other traffic so that our 2150 riders could pass safely. They agreed to close it during a specific time window - I believe it was between 9 and 1. The previous night, we slept thru some serious rain and even got rained on at breakfast but by the time we were ready to roll (our group, not the riders waiting to go out right at 6:30 am) the rain was gone and the sun was coming out.
However, this was not the case on the big hill covered in soaking wet riders with flat tires.
Those riders were given two options: turn around and go back to camp or wait here (in the cold and rain) for the SAG bus. Half of the riders went back to camp to wait with the rest of us for three to five hours for a bus ride to Ventura.

- We got in line for the bus about four buses back and I think I heard that it took 20 buses or so to get everyone to the campsite in Ventura, so we were lucky to be in the front. We got to Ventura around 2 or 2:30, laid our soggy clothes out to dry in the warm SoCal sun and I quickly hopped into the ocean.
The warm, salty ocean that I got to swim in for about 30 minutes of heaven before I got hungry for dinner.

- the candlelight vigil on the beach that night was really special. very solemn and so very quiet, except for the sounds of sniffles here and there. seeing this got my tears flowing. I fought with myself about taking a photo and finally decided that i'd appreciate having the image after the fact, and I do.

Day seven
- i finally got to paint a rainbow on my face (while wearing my SF Bike Coalition SF Bike Map Jersey no less!)

- best Jamba Juice stop ever (Greggy got one with peanut butter and banana that will be my next choice, for sure - highly recommended!) This was just a few blocks before closing ceremonies and we got to cheer on the few hundred riders that were behind us (read: not many!).

Shanny, me, Justin, Greg, Silas (Emily had to leave the morning of Day 6 to get back to SF for a family wedding, and somehow I lost Josh just a mile or so before this spot - we missed them both!)

Well folks, there you have it. I hope you enjoyed this little recap. I can definitnely see myself doing this ride again someday, perhaps 2011, perhaps even sooner!

To all of my sponsors - thank you so very much for helping to provide education and service to stop the spread of HIV/AIDS as well as help people with HIV/AIDS live happier, healthier lives.

Dream Journal - Entry 02

2009-06-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

1.
From someplace extremely high above a city, we jumped. As if skydiving, with thrill and safety.
Sylvia led the way. I screamed in stomach flip-flopping fear/excitement.
It was scary but fun.
A red metal structure made of bars came zooming into view, still very far away from the tops of skyscrapers. I got nervous about landing on it as it seemed a dangerous thing to land upon.
Syl reached out and grabbed the top handle-like bar and the dream changed before we landed.

2.
Searching thru an apartment building that looked like an old hotel and the Paramount in Oakland. I lived on the first floor but wandered around the stairways and elevators for a while, getting confused about apt numbers and floor numbers.
Found apartment.
Long hallway with rooms at the ends and off sides. Living room had a dozen (give or take) black dining chairs, all standing upright, piled all over the room.

The good and the frustrating

2009-05-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

I did a little "cross training" today.
It's supposed to be the last rest day in a rest week so I shouldn't be doing any training but I was late for the train so I started jogging.
I missed it so I went to the store for some water since the Saturday Caltrain schedule gave me a full hour until the next train and the only water in site at the ALC orientation had big "volunteers only" signs on it. I should have had my bottle, like I do every other day, but this is a new thing for me and I was off my game.
On my way back to the train station, I could see a white haired, boot wearing, rose tintedly bespeckled cyclist spinning very slowly up a small hill. I thought to give him some words of encouragement but didn't for fear of sounding patronizing. He stopped and asked me if I was going to the train station. When I gave the affirmative, the following conversation ensued.
"Please take my ticket. They wouldn't let me on the train with my bike. This will save you a couple of dollars."
"They wouldn't let you on? Why not?"
"They said there were already too many bikes so I'm just going to go home disappointed." pulls out the exact ticket I use, hands it to me and says "This'll getcha to zone two."
"Thank you so much! I'm sorry you couldn't get on the train!"
"Well, I'll just go home. Gosh, I like your glasses and you sure do wear them well."
"Likewise!"

I'm still upset that this weekend warrior trying to go somewhere special on his bike wasn't allowed because of Caltrain's ridiculous bike policy. But I'm grateful for his generous attitude and sweet demeanor. I hope someone gifts him with something extra super special today.

Cycling Buddies

2009-05-29T08:08:00.000-07:00

These are my teammates.

My coach, riding buddy, partner and best friend, Shanny Bannanny Sis Boom Bammy aka Shannon Shalako. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't feel as prepared as I do for this crazy seven day ride from SF to LA!

realistic energy chew, no?

Justine Bateman Veber, Jetson, Juicy, or Justin Case, whatever you call him, he's my happy maker when I need it. He started out without a bike and is now a HAWD COAH cyclist, riding about 100 miles a week by riding home (SF Mission District) from work (Millbrae or Redwood City) a few times a week.

helmets are the best hair stylers

This is Emily.

She gets two pictures because she's
super fun/silly

AND
super hot

Also, she's got enough energy to be at least two, if not three teammates. We heart her for doing this ride for the 8th time and showing us the ropes.

This is our beloved roadie Greg. He's definitely the wind beneath our wings. He loves orange and cute illustrations of monsters and anthropomorphized animals and inanimate objects. He said "I'm not going to bike but I'll drive!" and thus the PIKLWGN is driving sweep so Greggie will be sweeping us off our wheels (and taking us to the hotel - KIDDING!)

sweet perfection in the tub

Here you'll find, on the left, Jimmy Kitty. He's our bestest cheerleader who's going to meet us in LA when we cannot walk anymore and take us to a fancy hotel and put us in the salt water pool. We heart Jimmy Kitty for being such a fluffernutter.
On the right is our animal loving, soon to be vet friend Eric. He's not going to be on the medical team (snicker) but will be roadie-ing at the ALC Store. He's the one who will avert his eyes when we five finger discount bandanas (KIDDING! we'll totally buy them! [if they're cute!])

close up and serious
[Eric's not usually that serious, but sometimes he can be a little judgemental]

Almost a century

2009-05-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

On Monday, May 4th, Shannon and I had biking fittings with the awesome Lorri Lee Lown, of Velogirls - Northern California's largest women's cycling club. Shannon discovered her on the ALC8 discussion forum when she responded to his post regarding his saddle. He told me about her because he knew that I needed a proper fitting because of some of the challenges I was having with comfort on longer rides. She has a lot of experience and expertise fitting women, which is a very needed skill in the male dominated world of cycling. She did a GREAT job with both of us - we both feel stronger. I, however, am having some adjustment time - my saddle is brand new and it proved a bit tough for 85 miles...

Seven days later, Team Project Roadway had our first all team (minus roadie) training ride together.

We rode a 85 miles from San Francisco to Pt Reyes and back.

Here's our path (you can click and drag as well as zoom in and out right here!):

View Larger Map

That's as long as our first day to Santa Cruz - I did it - but barely.
If it weren't for my freaking awesome teammates' support, I would have taken the bus home from Fairfax on the way back. Emily gave me Advil to kill the pain in my back (new riding position) and my butt (new saddle - apparently they need to be "broken in") and after our pit stop, Justin told me that I'm "not allowed" to take the bus and that they'll ride whatever pace I need. Because of the sweetness in that sentiment, I didn't remind them that they'd essentially already been doing that every time they stopped to wait for me to catch up. By then the Advil had kicked in and I felt okay, if not actually excited, to go ahead and ride all the way home.

And I did! We all did!

I felt really slow the whole way; it seemed that I was always catching up to my teammates while they awaited my arrival. But they were all smiles.

PHEW! This stuff is hard! But so rewarding. :)

:Begin bike nerd details:

Now I'm focusing on working my core as that's the key to my new (and more athletically accurate) riding position: Curved back, all weight in the legs, hands & arms are only there for balance, not weight support.

I've got new handlebars coming in the mail to allow my hands to be aligned with my acromion so as to help with that "non weight supporting" ideal. Apparently, the bar is pretty rare because it's so narrow (like my shoulders, surprisingly) so we had to get a new stem that not only put me 2 inches farther out (Lorri thought I needed more reach, ironically, as that's what I've been bugging Shan to reduce, but her explanation along with her other adjustments make a lot of sense to me as far as what "comfort" should feel like on a road bike, compared to my 10 years on a mountain/hybrid) but also will accommodate the new oversize bar.

Shannon's already installed my new, "no float" cleats to help keep my legs focused in the same plane, rather than getting to move a few degrees here or there. I'd had a little problem with my left leg and Lorri thought this type of cleat would be a good way to train my legs to operate correctly. And I've not had a problem with using cleats and don't think that this change will be hard to get used to.

:End of bike nerd details:

Now I just need to finish up getting the necessary gear - jerseys and shorts mostly. Gosh, I hope I still like riding after ALC8 - I'd hate to have all of this gear and nothing to do with it!

Aiming to do another 60 mile ride as well as a couple of 25 mile rides this week and next to finish up with the training part of this wild ride.

OH - and, if you've got a few $$ to spare - I could really use another $1700 to get to my $5k goal http://tofighthiv.org/goto/adrienecrimson
Every bit helps!
Thanks so much for all of your support - however you offer it!

Strawberry fields...

2009-04-30T17:18:00.000-07:00

...for MILES!

For Shannon's birthday last week, we went to Santa Cruz to see his step mom and go for a long training ride thru a new area.
We decided we'd go thru Watsonville and discovered that our route took us straight thru the ripe strawberry fields. OMG - YUM! It smelled amazing.

We took a break at a roadside stand to hydrate and have a snack - the snack was a quart of organic strawberries that were probably only a few days from the field. YaUm!

The ride was 61 miles total and even tho I cried for about a mile near the end, I made it. I wasn't in a lot of pain - just some strain that was gone the next morning.

Next step is getting a proper bike fitting so I can eliminate that strain on my wrists and left leg. Will let you know how that one goes.

I still need a bit of help with my fundraising - I'd LOVE to get to $5k so I can ride around in a special jersey that shows that I inspired people to donate $5k to help eliminate HIV/AIDS in our lifetime.

Training Trouble

2009-04-14T23:42:00.000-07:00

I know, I know - I haven't posted much about my training lately.
The fact is, I've been having some trouble. My left leg was really bothering me for a few weeks and I couldn't go very far.
And the weather decided to be worst on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday - repeatedly.
And I don't like using the rollers inside - sorry Shanny.

Regarding the leg - I had an amazing session with my massage school teacher Marty. He's a rolfer, massage therapist and cranial sacral therapist. Oh, and, he also helps people with money. He's a super mellow city guy who rides a fixie (with a front break) and totally understands my biking needs.
A week after my 90 minute session, my pain has been reduced to about 90% of what it was.

So, that's the leg thing.

I've also been focusing a lot on our fundraiser that's TOMORROW NIGHT! It's taken a lot of planning, organizing and hitting the pavement putting up posters and giving out flyers. It's been a great time. I'm so excited to put on my special cowgirl costume - complete with red cowgirl boots and a red, pigtail wig.

We need to raise $3012 to get everyone to their minimum needed to do the ride - I'm really hoping we can get to that number - think good thoughts for us, huh?

The event will have raffles and a silent auction. Those of you not coming to the event will have to dream wistfully of gigantic feather pillows with amazing fabric, cases of wine, a bed and breakfast stay, shopping, dining and spa-ing gift cards, home-made leather tote bags as big as paper shopping bags, jewelry, photos, and the list goes on.

Did I mention wine? We have three cases and a magnum to raise money with...

I'm hoping to get up early enough to ride to work tomorrow morning - as if I don't have enough to do already! I'll keep you posted!

Dream Journal - Entry 01

2009-04-11T18:19:00.000-07:00

I was at a cafe.
It was bright and sunny.
I was working there.
Took customer order and gave it to the person responsible.
Discovered two beautiful butterflies - one purples and one pinks - as big as my hand. Followed them for some time, happily trying to get a photo of them on my hand but they would not land on it. Then I discovered we had a fence covered in a flowering plant that butterflies like and I relaxed knowing that they'd be around for me to look at so I didn't need a photo to remember them.
Then Kyle Thompson came out asking me where the iced tea for the customers was - he was a little harried energetically. I worried about it and when I got to the iced tea area, the person responsible was just taking the tray to the customers and I relaxed, knowing that I'd done it right.

SFMoMA, free first tuesday, April 09

2009-04-09T00:32:00.000-07:00

Went to the SFMoMA free first tuesday yesterday for a quick visit from 4 to 5:45.

Was pretty unimpressed until we got to the SECA Art Awards Exhibit and the Face of Our Time | Four Shows exhibits.
The former is up until May 10th, the latter, April 26th. Go see them.
Here are some samples (it's still so strange to be allowed to take photos in museums - I feel like I'm breaking a rule...)

Tauba Auerbach - the whole alphabet, from the center out, digital VI

Leo Rubinfien - Wounded Cities - Casablanca, 2004, in the Casbah El-Habous

Judith Joy Ross - Nancy Tate, protesting the US war in Iraq, Bethelehem, PA

The next two are in the permanent photo collection...

Harold Eugene Edgerton - Jackie Jumps the Bench

Terry Evans, Field Museum, Spartina, 1857

Next month, I hope to spend more time there... I think the permanent photo collection needs a bit more perusing.

The rain rain went away!

2009-02-25T00:17:00.000-08:00

Since November, I've been in massage school. I changed my work schedule so that I can go to class from 2pm - 9:30pm on Tuesdays. This was the first Tuesday when I didn't have to take the classes offered and it was PERFECT biking weather.

We woke up around 10 and said "let's bike to Fairfax!" and we did!

Training has been hard for the last couple of weeks because it's been raining a lot on my days off. While I don't mind riding in the rain, it's really hard to decide to do it when it's also really cold, my apartment is cozy and I have anatomy homework to do. Our Sunday training rides with other ALC8 riders (and friends) has been canceled two Sundays in a row now due to really bad weather (windy, cold, pouring rain).

We left around noonish after having Shanny's special steel cut oats, peanut butter and prunes (usually we use raisins but we were out - raisins are definitely better). I discovered today that my warm up is riding from our place at 16th and Valencia to Golden Gate Bridge along this path.

The last little bit of Arguello before it enters into the Presidio (the long street in the middle heading into the big green area) is the nastiest little hill. It's soo steep but thankfully it's only two blocks long - I still end up at the top totally winded and needing a bit of a rest.

The Golden Gate Bridge crossing is my least favorite - sadly - as it should be super sweet. Yes, the view is outstanding and incredibly special but by the time we get past all the tourists walking, tourists on bikes, tourists standing in the middle of the walkway taking pictures and not hearing the cyclists approaching from behind yelling "on your left!", I'm annoyed, to say the least. But, then we get the fabulous downhill into Sausalito. That hill is dessert before dinner - tho, it's also work after play when the ride is reversed - phew!

The stand out items from today's ride are:
1. We got to Fairfax in just over 2 hours - much better than the 3 hours it took last time.
2. I rode up White's Hill without much trouble - but was definitely at the last of my energy before lunch.
3. The coffee "prize" I gave myself at Fairfax Coffee Roastery (no online presence could be found! how odd!). Their coffee is all roasted right there and they have a lot of organic options. I got a 16 oz americano and added honey and soy (and a splash of half n' half) and it was a great treat - except that I could only finish half of it (I know, I know, blaspheme but it was time to go!)
4. We made it home in six hours total - which is what we did last time WITHOUT White's Hill AND the lunch/coffee break we took in the sun. Yay!

With hope, my next post will be sooner - here's to good weather on my days off!!

Wanna help me reach my goal?

The path of the comeback

2009-01-18T22:01:00.000-08:00

Justin called us up this afternoon to see if Shannon could help him with a bike issue. We took it as instigation to go on our first ride with more of our team.
After Shannon fixed his bike (just some tightening and adjusting) Justin joined us for a ride out to Ocean Beach.
It was a gorgeous, sunny, 70 degree day - perfect for biking.
We rode just over 22 miles starting with going thru The Wiggle (the flat route from Lower Haight to GG Park), down Kennedy Dr thru GG Park to the Ocean Beach where there were tons of people, bikes, kites, surfers, frisbees, etc. It was a total beach day - minus the getting into the water sans wetsuit part.
We decided to go thru the Presidio on the way to Hog Island Oyster Company to say hi to Justin's hubby Greg (our roadie). Back thru GG Park to Arguello which took us straight into the Presidio. When we got to GG Bridge we all decided we still had energy and time enough to cross the bridge and come back.
The trip from the bridge to Embarcadero was chilly - all shade - easily only 55 degrees. But once we hit the Embarcadero we were uplifted by the sun and completely comfortable following the meandering bike lane thru the long lines of backed up traffic made of cars with all windows open.
We said hi to Greg - chatted a bit and then decided that BART would be the best option home as Justin and I were feeling a bit tired - I'm sure Shanny could have biked the rest of Embarcadero and up 16th if he'd wanted to go on his own.
It was great to be back on the bike - especially with another team member - and I'm looking forward to the next ride being longer and sooner.
Till then!

Wanna help me reach my goal?

Follow the Golden Gate Bridge..?

2008-12-12T19:55:00.000-08:00

...follow the Golden Gate Bridge!
(imagine that said like the very beginning of "follow the yellow brick road" in The Wizard of Oz)
That's exactly what I did on Monday - I followed the Golden Gate Bridge all the way to Fairfax.
After the best coffee ever (not just because I was chilly but because it was really brilliant coffee) in Fairfax, I discovered I had a soft/flat tire so Shannon (my coach and riding partner extraordinaire) changed the tube for me using his trusty CO2 cartridge.
Those things make me nervous - they fill SO FAST! I thought the tire was too full so I had him deflate it a bit.
After riding about five miles it turns out it was too soft so we pulled over to top it off (with that darn CO2 cartridge - a challenging friend!) and it broke the tire valve on the new tube.
So, we put the old tube back in because it was only a slow leak and Shan sprinted to the bike shop about three miles away while I rode on a very soft but psi maintaining rear tube.
He got another cartridge and tube but my slow leak tube got me all the way home and we were able to give our extra cartridge to a couple on a tandem, stuck with a flat in the middle of the bridge, after dark!
The total miles - 48!!
I'm so happy - I'm not sore and am looking forward to biking to and from Point Reyes very soon (that's about 80 some miles!)

Wanna help me reach my goal?

New Bike - OMG!

2008-12-01T23:07:00.000-08:00

My honey got a package delivered today and it was a new bike for me!! OMG!
It's beautiful - and just the female geometry I needed!
He was supposed to get me an older version but he splurged and got me the 2008 Specialized Dolce Elite in white with pink accents. She rides like a dream and her name is Sweetie.
Straight out of the box the gears were shifting perfectly and it fits soo much better than the 2005 Specialized Sequoia Elite - it's subtle but I really feel the difference on the longer rides.

Sadly, we haven't been doing many of those as it's very cold (for riding bike) and that much harder to get out the door...

Here's hoping the weather picks up on my days off so I can ride my little Sweetie!

Wanna help me reach my goal?

We did it! Thank you!

2008-11-25T23:15:00.000-08:00

I'd like to thank all of you who donated before December 1, 2008 for helping me raise over $1,000! Benchmark #1 has been reached! More than 1/3 of my required minimum and 21% of my personal goal of $5k! I'm so touched by your support!
I said I'd give the incentive prize to whomever helped the most and I'm humbled to say that my sweet, sweet Uncle Daniel pushed me over the edge.
He is a full time student in acupuncture school and works two nights a week at a neighborhood watering hole in Hayes Valley - Place Pigalle - if you're in SF, go say hi to him on Tuesday or Saturday night and tip him well!
He's been a wonderful support for me in this new millenium - starting with trekking out to the cornfields of Iowa to help my mom reprazent my family unit at my college graduation, then giving me a place to live when I first came to San Francisco and now always giving me pints of pear cider and introducing me to all of his watering hole friends every time I stop by to visit.
All of you have left me awed by your generosity and humbled that you have such faith in me. I promise to make you all very proud!

Wanna help me reach my goal?

37 is my lucky number

2008-11-21T15:42:00.000-08:00

On Sunday, Shannon took me on the Paradise Loop in Marin. We rode from the Mission all the way thru Tiburon, around the Paradise Loop and then had Indian food in Sausalito and took the ferry home.
This is the first ride that I've felt in my legs a few days after. Seems I've found my working edge - my lucky number!
For now, I'm going to keep my mileage increases to just a few at a time and in taking my aunt Ann's advice - I'll be stretching MUCH more!
And, to take Tracey's advice, I think I'll be getting a new, more comfortable saddle soon... possibly even a new bike that's more suited to my female geometry.

Wanna help me reach my goal?

I rode to work sooner than expected!

2008-11-07T13:41:00.000-08:00

I woke up on Thursday morning seeing the beautiful sunshine, knowing that I didn't need to be at work until noon and I said to Shannon "wanna ride to burlingame with me today?"
He was very excited and immediately got to cookin' up his special steel cut oats with peanut butter - really sticks to the ribs, that recipe!
We got out around 10:30 and it was a beautiful ride.
I noticed how much easier it was for me this time and that is so encouraging!
After 2.5 hours (I called ahead warning them that I'd be an hour late - no problem) and 24 miles, I rode all the way to work!
I felt SOO good all day long. I can't wait to do it again!

Wanna help me reach my goal?

WOW! Over 10% already!

2008-10-28T17:00:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to post a quick thank you to those of you who jumped in so quickly to support this ride of mine!
I'm happily stunned to have gotten to 11% of my goal in less than 30 days!
I regret to inform you all that my only training done this last weekend was to ride my bike from Burlingame to San Bruno (only about six miles) on my way home from work on Friday. It's something but I'm looking forward to getting a much longer ride in soon - I'll be sure to let you all know!

Wanna help me reach my goal?

i'm going to ride my bike 545 miles next summer!

2008-10-21T23:06:00.000-07:00

Ever since I moved to San Francisco and heard about this crazy bike ride from SF to LA, I've thought about doing it.
Two years ago, I discovered that a friend of a friend, Emily, (who is now a dear friend) is the volunteer coordinator for the SF AIDS Foundation. I discovered this when I was looking around the internet for a volunteer opportunity around my birthday (June 1), which was something I'd committed myself to doing back in 2003.
I helped Emily with some office work (basically, I volunteered to help her find volunteers) and then helped out on the day that the ride starts.
This was such a wonderful experience - get up at 3am (just like when Mom used to drive us up to Maine from PA) and help out wherever help is needed (two years in a row I ended up in "bike parking" and must say it's a wonderful way to see LOTS of interesting bikes, but that's another story...). I was exhilarated after that first year and decided that the next year I'd help for a week whenever I could and *maybe* go on the ride.
Come February 2008 and registration was closed because the ride was completely full - both SF and LA had their maximum number of riders!
Amazing.
So, I checked my work schedule and committed to four or five days of helping where needed AND going to work. This culminated on my birthday when I got up at 3am again and parked bikes (with a birthday tiara on).
This year tho, when everyone left and the hall was empty, I was really sad - I wanted to be with them.

So, I finally did it.

I signed up. http://www.tofighthiv.org/goto/adrienecrimson

I'm going to ride 545 miles from SF to LA from May 31 to June 6, 2009 (and you better believe I'll have a tiara glued to my helmet the whole time to celebrate turning 32!)

Part of my commitment comes from simply wanting to help people on my birthday. The other part is this foundation. The SF AIDS Foundation provides practical information about AIDS, services for people with HIV/AIDS and services to prevent the spread of the disease. And they throw really great fundraising events like this one as well as sponsor lots of fun events in the city throughout the year - all with the goal of educating the public about how to stay safe and healthy, with or without HIV/AIDS.

I think this disease needs to stop now and one of the best ways to do that is to prevent it spreading.
One of the best ways to prevent it spreading is to educate (and give out clean needles and free condoms).
And, to do this takes employees, time and space.

By sponsoring me on this ride you'll be providing funds for this amazing organization to continue to help people stay safe and healthy.
To give you an idea why they need this money - I just read their operating budget and expenses document that basically says that their expenses for 2008/9 are $25 million and the government (local, state, federal) will give them about $7 million. The other $18 million are donated by regular people who want to contribute to a just cause.

The minimum for each rider to raise is $3000 and I've committed to going a bit above and beyond with a $5000 goal. I'm hoping to throw a party sometime in March that will be a fundraiser because I've always wanted to do something like that. I'm imagining that it will involve an auction of donated goods and a raffle of less expensive donated goods - sound like fun? I'll keep you posted as to when it'll happen and maybe you can join in the fun! I figure, if I'm throwing a fundraising event, I should definitely increase my fundraising goal.

There are many ways to contribute (it's all tax deductible as well!):
- many corporations provide matching funds for their employee's donations so check with your boss/HR department to see if you can double your support (when I worked for the design firm, I asked the CEO if the company would match its employee's donations and he said "yeah, sure, up to $200" so I got all of the employees to donate $200 collectively and that was $400 for our bike messenger Mary's ride - who, by the way, rode in a lavender tuxedo - sorry, I haven't got any pics.)
- you can choose to donate online once or utilize their automatic payment option that draws any amount you designate once a month. this is a super easy way to donate $100 without feeling it.
- you can download a form (found at the very bottom of this page) to send in a check or credit card info for one time or monthly automatic payments.

I'm committing all of my Friday tips to my sponsorship account. In this economy, one might think that people would be getting "luxury treatments" like facials and waxing less, but it's only been a little bit slower. Still, my friday tips have only been between $20 and $45 for the last few weeks. However, any and every amount helps, no matter how small.

I'll keep http://www.tofighthiv.org/goto/adrienecrimson updated with my training progress and photos and on the ride itself I'll do my best to live blog about the whole event.

I'll also keep you posted about the fun raffles I'll be having soon.
Would anyone donate in $1 increments to win the right to choose the color I dye my hair for the ride?
How about $2 increments to win the right to choose a subject that I'll take photos of on the ride?

Thanks for sticking with this post all the way thru! If you like any of those raffle ideas and want to start collecting your "tickets" - just go to http://www.tofighthiv.org/goto/adrienecrimson and when you donate online, be sure to put a note that says "this is for the hair color raffle - magenta!" or "this is for the photo raffle - road kill!"

First training weekend!

2008-10-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, Shannon took me to Marin for my second long ride ever and first training ride for ALC! We drove to Nicasio and then biked about 28 miles r/t to Pt. Reyes.
Shanny encouraged me to leave behind my "civilian" hoodie (cotton, not cycle worthy) but I held firm and am so grateful as it was pretty cold in the shade and slight wind. The sun did warm us occasionally and overall I was totally comfortable - Shanny was a bit cold as the last time he'd done that ride it was 90 degrees and he didn't think he'd need a long sleeved jersey this time.
The ride went really well except for two things: one, we ate too much for lunch at the half way point so I was exhausted for the first five miles or so on the way back; two, about a mile from the car I bonked (ie. hit the wall, ran out of juice, etc) and stopped without warning. This caused us to crash and drop our bikes - with no harm to body or bike, just ego.
"You need to tell me when you're going to stop!"
"You need to get off my butt!"
I rested for a bit and was able to make it to the car without further incident.
We made up and went to dinner at the wonderful Avatar's in Sausalito - YUM! Pumpkin/Dungeness Crab enchilada, lentil soup and samosa with yougurt and tamarind sauce. We had the Avatar's Dream for dessert and it was awesome. We highly recommend this restaurant if you like Indian food and creativity in food preparation.
Sunday was a day of running errands, our favorite being a stop at Performance Bicycle to check out their jerseys (I've been riding in a cycle sports bra with t-shirt). Of course, they're having a big sale right now so I was able to come away with a fun flourescent yellow sleeveless jersey and Shanny sponsored me with a super cute black short sleeved jersey covered in polka dots and rings. We were saying that it's totally able to go from bike straight to dinner (as long as no one questions the pockets on the back... :)
Now I have real cycling jerseys to go with my tights, socks (one pair with pirate kitties, one pair with flying pigs) and shoes. I'm getting all professional n' stuff!
Thanks everyone for your support - it's awesome to see how quickly my thermometer is filling up! Hopefully, I can pull together $1k by November 30th so I can get the ALC messenger bag that they've incentivised us with...

Wanna help me reach my goal?

I'm actually not counting how many days we're here...

2008-09-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

...and it's wonderful.

We were awakened at 10am to get ready for the day. Markus showed us an English blog review (sorry no link right now) of the resaurant in Malaga that we were being surprised with. Hundreds of Spaniards all sit under an awning while watiers walk around shouting out what they're carrying. We see something we like and wave them to our table. They charge us by the size of the plates on the table.
We played Fire for three or four hours while picking at all different kinds of sea food. It was loud and beautiful and dreamy - totally surrounded by locals at their special Suntag meal we were able to blend right in.
Well, except that one time that Markus got a little excited about winning a round of Fire by yelling "FIRE!" a bit too loud and the few tables around us looked at us alarmedly. We just motioned to them that he was a bit crazy and they nodded in agreement and carried on with their eating.

Now we're in for the evening and looking forward to more adventures tomorrow - perhaps the Picasso museum in Malaga!

Did I mention the pureed watermelon and vodka? We're still drinking it - what a delicioso treat!

Dia Tres a Espana - the market and paella

2008-09-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

A fun part of this trip has been learning and practicing speaking both Spanish and German. Our hosts are German and Marie and her family have been coming to this home since she can remember so she's got a bit of Spanish but mostly speaks German with Markus and English with us.
Shannon lived in Munich with the help of Markus for about a year and he lived in Mexico as an exchange student for a couple of months when he was at Santa Cruz high school.
I studied French in high school and college and have picked up a bit of Spanish and German from Shannon.
When I try to speak Spanish, a lot of French comes out.
When I try German, it's Sprench.
But it's so much fun!
I'm looking forward to being in Germany for a couple of days, surrounded by German like I'm surrounded by Spanish here.

Today we went to the local market where I got myself a maxi dress (thanks for the suggestion Nicole!) for only €10 because of Shannon's mad negotiation skills.
"How much for the dress?"
"€15"
"Okay, Gracias." puts dress back on rack.
The shop keeper asks me "You like it?"
I say "Yes" and he says, "Okay, €10"

It was hot and breezy at the market and many of the goods looked to me like things one finds in most of these markets: cheap t shirts, silver jewelry and lots of clothing and scarves made in India. But, the Spanish-ness that I noticed were leather goods like bags and shoes, pottery including house numbers and placards as well as dishes and fun clothing (like the dress i got).

The market closed for siesta around 3 and we went home to the Marbella Harbor for our first Paella. Due to Shanny's fierce allergy to shellfish, we got one with only shimp and fish and it was amazing. M & M's was filled with shellfish, shrimp and fish and they loved it.
We walked around after eating and got to see the ritzy rich in Marbella doing their thing. They looked so fancy in their expensive labels. Markus had to go into the electronics store to see the iPhone 3G that they apparetly had unlocked and for a mere €1400 it could have been his. That's almost $2000! We didn't believe that it was ulocked but without a SIM card to test it ourselves, there was no way to prove it. I had mine with me but didn't want to deal with them using my SIM.

After this we wandered back to the car and headed home for the evening. We had pureed watermelon with vodka while playing cards. Markie and Marie had a suprise for us in the morning and we had to hit the hay early so around 1am we all fell into our beds.

Dia Dos a Espana - la playa

2008-09-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

To help us cure our collective hangover, we went to the beach. The beaches here have umbrellas and lounge chairs for rent and the one that M & M like has a bar/restaurant right on the sand.
It was sunny but very windy that day so we opted to sit on the slightly covered porch to have the tinto verano that Shanny had to buy us because of his lost bet the night before. We were playing a card game called Fire and commenting about the people on the beach getting massages right in their beach chairs.
Adriene "I wonder if they're using sunscreen for their massage lotion"
Everyone "probably not"
Adriene "Those massage therapists aren't going to last very long if they keep bending over so far to give these massages" and a discussion of body mechanics while massaging ensues.
In the middle of a particularly festive round of Fire, we here some squabbling and Markus says "Woah!"
The two Thai (?) people giving the massages were having a fight. The woman was shorter than the man and yelling right in his face while he pushed her repeatedly, once even sending her down to the sand. I was amazed that she kept getting back in his face after he'd been so physically abusive. He was also grabbing her wrists and hands in the attempt to damage her means of generating income, I'm sure. The waiter finally said something along the lines of "call the police" and the argument went from physical to just verbal - but still so much in each others faces. Then, almost as quickly as it started, it stopped, they came to some kind of agreement and went back to massaging the sunbathers! Again, I felt amazed at these people and their industrious and, I assume, competitive line of work. I can imagine that their argument was about money and that the end of the argument came about because one of them offered the other a payout or a client.
Until the waiter referenced "la polizia" I was sort of taking this in stride as a "spanish thing." I'm glad I got pulled out of that pigeon hole and brought back to the reality of competition for tourist money. Thank Gaia that even tho I'm in a competitive industry, I don't have to deal with people trying to take away my physical ability to work as a way to get themselves more work.

Shortly after that, we went home for siesta, and then back out for an early dinner at 9pm. More pimientos and boquerones came to the table - yums! Also sizzling bowls of shrimp in a garlic butter broth - heaven! I had sole in champagne sauce which was flavorful and lovely, Shannon had the cod in chef's special sauce while Markie and Marie got thier favorite dishes - grilled fish variety and fried fish variety, respectively. Marie's was definitely the most interesting looking - pieces and whole fishes fried and piled high on her plate. Shanny's cod was very salty - at first we thought it was the sauce but it was the fish itself! This is not the cod of my youth time visits to Cape Cod - no no. But when we were used to it, it tasted of the sea and the sauce was spiced just right to counter the salt.

When we returned home, we melted into bed with happy, full bellies, and finally recovered from our hangover a la bienvenu a espana.

Arrival a Espana

2008-09-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

After twenty hours of travelling, we are greeted by Markus at the gate in Malaga, Spain with a "Finally you're here!". It was sweet to watch how happy Shannon was to see his best friend after two years apart. I was expecting to have to go thru customs but now that Europe is a big union, you only have to do it once. Yes, I was disappointed to get denied yet another passport stamp, but at least going thru customs on our four hour Frankfurt layover took all of five minutes and we were asked no questions at all. Alas, again I have one stamp in a new passport and I hope that the next trip I take will be soon enough that the customs official doesn't look at me and say "You don't get out much, do you?" like the one in the British Virgin Islands did.

It was 4:30 in the afternoon and it felt like morning to me, I was ready for the day! Shannon, however, was very tired as neither of us were able to sleep at all on either of our flights, or during layover. Markus drove us to Marbella in the jeep with the back window open, my hair was flying all over the place and I was smiling ear to ear to finally be in Europe. Fifteen minutes into our drive, Shanny is animated and also grinning wildly. The start of the end of jet lag!
After driving on the costal freeway and looking at the Mediterranean Sea for my first time, we turned up the hill and navigated narrow, twisty, curvy side streets with white houses, palm trees (just like in California), and tall green hedges that provide a lovely genteel property deliniation. We drive all the way to the end of the street and there was the gate of the house. Markus honked and the dog next door barked and then Marie greeted us with champagne and her big beautiful smile. We drank our champagne in the salt water pool as we caught up and continued smiling and laughing.

The afternoon faded slowly and while we settled ourselves into our rooms our wonderful hosts made us a delicious Spanish dinner. There were two kinds of sauteed peppers: pimientos julienned and sauteed are much like our bell peppers and pimientos de padron are typically sauteed whole, a lovely dark green pepper about the size of a jalepeno and slightly bitter rather than spicy. There was also boquerones, a Spanish sardine in olive oil and garlic. I've not been exposed to the "little fish" very much and have had an aversion in the past, mostly because of that cartoon can with the key that rolls back the top. These, however, are delicious and delicate and lovely on sliced baguette with tomato. And the piece de resistance was a whole fish baked in salt. Markus put three or four cups of very coarse sea salt in the pan, put the fish on top and then covered it in salt to bake for 30 min or so. Holy yum. I'm excited to get to know this Spanish delicacy very well.
In effort to make sure we weren't "jet laggers," Markie and Marie plied us with mucho alcohol. In the jeep coming from the airport, I was practicing saying "Mi gustaria una cupa de sangria" (I would like a glass of sangria) so after the champange was finito, Marcus offered us tinto verano, a quick sangria made with red wine and lemon soda and served over ice that is muy buen. Then there was a delicioso, fruity and floral sauvignon blanc with dinner and finally, when the wine was gone and the table cleared, gin and tonics.
We talked about American politics and television, made plans for the week, Markus and Shannon teased each other while Marie and I laughed, Shannon lost a bet because he was the last into the pool and then we walked to the beach and I swam in the lovely Mediterranean Sea for the first time. We made it without sleeping until 4 or 5am and all awoke just after 11am badly in need of water and advil but ready to start the day - kein jet lag! Mission accomplished!

a small list of requests

2008-06-21T14:44:00.001-07:00

1. if you own and use a cellular or mobile phone, please - don't answer it if you can't spend a moment to talk with the person calling you. that's what voicemail and caller ID are for. if it's an emergency, the person will call back. whatever you do, don't answer and say "I have to call you right back." seriously, whoever is calling can probably await your call back for a few minutes.

2a. there are these things in cars that the government says we're supposed to use whenever we're planning to turn. they're called "turn signals" or "indicators" - some like to call them blinkers because they do that - they blink. and they're yellow. and when someone is riding a bike on your right, and you're planning to turn right, which would essentialy cut him/her off or worse, using your turn signal will warn the cyclist to stop and avoid an issue. it will keep your car from getting dented or scratched and will keep a cyclist as able as s/he was before you turned.
did you know that not using a turn signal can get you a ticket? yep. it's one of those law thingies.

2b. if you are going to cut someone off, either with or without your turn signal, please just do it. if you change your velocity mid cut off, you make it even harder for the person avoiding bodily harm to get out of harm's way.
start cut off at 30 mph - finish cut off at 30 mph.
but, you're still a douchebag for doing it.

3. to stay with the whole car thing...
please, please, PLEASE - especially in san francisco - be aware of where you're putting your car when you parallel park along the street. if you're at the corner, line up with the edge of the corner/spot so that you maximize the chances of everyone getting a spot. if you park three feet away from the corner, the guy behind you parks four feet away from you and the guy behind him parks four feet away from him, that's a whole spot. i'm not saying you should make it impossible for someone to get out of his/her parking spot because you only left them two inches, but think about how hard it is to find a spot and how nice it would be if everyone took everyone else into consideration.
but, perhaps that's an entirely different topic.

and finally,
4. please be aware of the following when writing, anywhere.
they're = 'they are' as in "they're going to six flags"
there = 'not here' as in "the roller coaster is over there"
their* = 'belongs to someone' as in "those kids didn't have a good ride. that's their puke"
* this is plural! not to be used to refer to a singular person a la facebook's updates about your friends. if you must refer to a singular person without a gender specification, please use "this/that person" "him/her" "his/hers" etc

And we'll put it all together: They're going to have to clean up all of their puke over there.

Timber Phoenix, Kitty Extraordinaire

2008-05-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

The Friday night before Mother's Day, we drove from Burlingame to Pacifica down a road called Sharp Park. It's a two lane road with a 4 foot tall cement median dividing the two sets of two lanes. It was still very light out at 6:45 or so and I was able to notice, as the passenger, that there was a tiny little kitten walking up the road, on the inside of the road against the median.
Immediately I said "Shannonthatwasakitten! *sobbing immediately* We have to turn around and go get it *continued sobbing*"
We drove another mile down the road to get around the median and go back up the other side of the road. I spotted kitty and we pulled over and put the hazards on. I ran across the traffic free road to the median and the sound of the mewing. I said "kitty kitty - i'm coming" and when I reached over the median to get her, she looked up at me, right in my eyes, and put her little paws up to meet my reaching hands.
We were on our way to dinner at Kyle's and brought her in while we ate homemade pizza and bonded with his parents and she stayed in a clean recycling bin.

The first thought was to give her to Shan's step mom Kathy for mother's day but then we fell in love with her and she's ours. Yay!

birth assister lady

2008-04-27T19:55:00.001-07:00

the awkward title is due to the awkwardness of the decision that i'm considering.

*whispers shyly*

I'm considering the path of the midwife

it's strange for me to say that for the following reasons:
1. For years now, I've felt the need to adopt, if I ever decide to become a parent, more than creating and birthing my own child.
2. I recently started a new career so I hesitate to move too quickly but feel very drawn to at least doing the research to decide if it's the right idea.
3. Being a midwife ain't no joke yo! To choose such a necessary and ancient role is really life affirming and scary and wonderful and daunting and did I say scary?

it's absolutely natural for me to say that for the following reasons:
1. I've felt like a childless parent since my late teens - I've had ideas about child rearing since I can remember. People tend to ask me if I have kids when we talk about theirs because I say things like "Oh, he's four? That's such a fun age - differentiated but not as difficult as two and three" and "Well, teenagers can be like that - just be patient and she'll come around"
2. All of my favorite facial clients are pregnant women and new mothers. It's not a bias as much as just a joyful treat for me to be able to pamper a mother to be. I love hearing about the changes in lifestyle, the falling in love with her baby, and all of the physical conditions - good and bad.
3. I've been wanting to do something medical and serious and this seems to be the most joyful option I've considered.

in starting my research, i came across this blog post that references the project of a woman i met once or twice when i lived and studied art, science, ayurveda and philosophy in fairfield, iowa and who shares many friends of mine: One Million Mothers Creating a Miracle
the premise is that they're asking for one million people to donate just $1 to help support Ibu Robin Lim's clinic Yayasan Bumi Sehat

Please look around the site and, if you are so inspired, help in whatever way you can. Especially if you are going to Bali and can take the clinic much needed supplies that they rely on but can't accept thru the mail because of "outrageous customs fees."

At my job, we are given monthly challenges with occasional cash prizes for meeting goals. Last month I met a goal and was given $125 - $25 in cash and $100 in a visa check card. I gave the entirety of the visa check card, and will give any future visa check cards to Yayasan Bumi Sehat thru the paypal account here. I hope that inspires you to help them out as well.

Big thanks go out to Joel for turning me on to Yayasan Bumi Sehat and whose website has a sweet candid photo of Ibu Robin right on the home page.

what if

2008-04-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

if i wear flowers and vanilla
and see your skin in my milky tea

if i paint my nails the way you would
and wear my clothes as if they are yours

if i dream of you when out of body
and spend waking hours longing for those dreams

if i share your soul
with the rest of the family
but not so much this body

will i still be part of us
will we still take journeys together
make plans and strategies
etherically working the physical
enjoying existence
not looking at a goal
but simply be-ing because
it's
what
we
do

|||||||

have i forgotten a plan
that was laid
aeons before

am i stuck
longing
for something we planned
i would simply appreciate
when i could

i don't remember home
as much as i'd like
but i know i want to go there
to re-read the plans
to re-feel the task
to be re-minded that this is a joyful existence

but i do go there
without my body
regularly

sometimes you are there with me
re-minding me of the sweetness

the body waking is then oh so bitter

|||||||

what if insanity really does run in the family
and these are just the rantings of
a mad mind
that simply cannot capture
the ease of this place, this body, this task, this connection

i'm sure i've got plenty of time
to work it all out

isn't that the plan?

4 reasons why I'm excited

2008-04-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

1. I just found a set of glow-in-the-dark rosary beads on the ground in the parking lot and they are still rubber banded and in a little zip lock bag. I've always thought the glow-in-the-dark Christian artifacts seemed a little strange and now I have some of my own little-strange-Christian-artifact to make art with!
The bag has marks on it like it got rolled over with a car. That makes me giggle.

2. Yesterday I whacked my arm on the counter at work (again) and promptly put arnica cream on it and took some arnica pills. A few hours later, I did the arnica again. Then I went home and ate lots of fresh pineapple.
Arnica and the bromine in pineapple are supposed to keep bruises from discoloring and hurting.
Today, the bruise is half what it was the last time I whacked my arm into the counter and it doesn't hurt at all. Yay for homeopathy and healing with foods!

3. The fresh pineapple I ate last night was AMAZING! We ate a quarter of it raw and put the rest of it into the braised chicken broth to cook and add it's flavor. Fresh pineapple cooked with chicken is really tasty - a completely different fruit than the common canned pineapple one finds in chinese food and on Hawaiian pizza. YUM!
The chicken turned out amazingly too!

4. We have two pints of ben and jerry's in the freezer waiting to be devoured. Call me over 30 but I'm so excited for ice cream and a DVD tonight.

overheard

2008-03-12T01:45:00.000-07:00

today i overheard myself in this conversation:
person bagging groceries: oh, you don't want a bag?
me: no thanks - I've got one here. no need for more plastic.
pbg: [something something about his neighbors that I couldn't quite make out] yeah, they love plastic.
me: they better, it's not going anywhere!
cute girl at cash register: well said.

i'm pretty proud of myself for letting that come out without any forethought - i like it when my brain helps me out.

good brain - have some rest now.

cycling

2008-02-27T16:37:00.000-08:00

Seven things I like to do while riding my bicycle:

1. give out tickets, in my head, to douchebags not doing things according to standard, ticketable, traffic laws.

2. fart - it's the funnest place to fart - except for maybe around the campfire.

3. sing a song that goes "la la la la"

4. pedal as fast as I can and then laugh or say "yeah!" kinda to myself - working up to shouting it out loud.

5. record outgoing voicemail messages to amuse those who make it to the voicemail box connected to my phone number. there are two different messages...

6. squint, carefully, and tilt my helmeted head down a bit so the visor blocks the sun because I'm not pleased with any of my current sunglasses.

7. change gears - soon, I'll get to change 27 but for over a month I've only really used two - maybe four. (broken right side lever - only three gears in back and I never really use the big chain ring in front)

breath

2008-02-12T23:50:00.000-08:00

Ten of my favorite experiences with my breath

1. when I've had some wine and I exhale deeply I really enjoy the quality of my breath.

2. when I've been dancing for hours and feeling the music and my body and my breath takes over and it's deep and full and loud - then I push harder. GAWD I miss that - it's been years. SIGH.

3. when I've been sitting or lying down for a while and I get up and stretch and have a head rush because of the lack of breath - I always get in the most interesting head spaces that I wish I could record somehow.

4. one time, when I was in college, a friend walked me thru some healing exercise where I "hyper oxygenated my blood" by breathing fast and deep - it was a really wonderful experience and has been referenced a few times since in different healing experiences.

5. when I'm giving a client their shoulder massage and I take a deep breath at the same time, or just before, they do. that one makes me feel dharmic.

6. sharing breath with my partner is always dreamy when I enjoy it.

7. when taking a deep breath actually does clear my head and calm me down.

8. when I'm crying really hard and my breath has a shudder - it's uncomfortable but satisfying somehow.

9. on a crisp, clear night when I'm riding my bike on a flat, straight road thru the trees as fast as I can go and I spontaneously take a huge deep breath.

10. one night in college, I tried to convince a friend that inhaling a puff of smoke and holding it as deeply as possible in the belly until a yawn comes was a really freeing way to get high. she told me that i should try getting naked and walking around the dining hall because, that too, would be a freeing experience.

quake

2007-10-30T20:28:00.000-07:00

We just had a pretty big earthquake! 5.6 ain't no joke! I hope everyone in the southern part of the east bay is okay.

The room was shaking and everything that was hanging, was swinging.
There was a subtle sound of creaking or movement.
The whole thing lasted for about 7 seconds which is a long time to feel the earth move under your feet while wondering if you're going to need to find some additional safety beyond the local doorframe (not so possible from the fourth floor penthouse here sadly!)

Here are screen shots from Earthquake.usgs.gov just after it happened:

lost treasure found - yay!

2007-10-14T10:02:00.000-07:00

Last night as I was preparing my toiletries for a visit to Santa Cruz, I discovered a cache of makeup products that I thought I'd lost a looong time ago (at least a year).
They were in the small outside pocket that I don't use very often - soo rad.

The first item I registered in my cache of lost treasure made me squeal with happiness - it was the one item I lamented losing regularly. Urban Decay Heavy Metal Glitter Liner in the most amazing color, Spandex. I immediately put some on and was so happy.

I once went to Nordstrom's with a friend for some event where we all got little pink bags with swag and for every dollar we spent, we got a token towards gift prizes when we were done. She took me to the Lancome counter where she knew the woman working there. She got a full makeover and bought a few of her standard products. I discovered Lancome's Artliner in a color called Spectrum (which isn't on the sephora website - sadly because it's the most amazing color: iridescent and almost rainbow. It's so exciting to be reunited!

When I bought the artliner, she gave me two tubes of their Definicils Mascara. I gave one of the tubes to a friend (I'm too nice sometimes but I love to share the wealth) I love the size of the tube and had only used it once or twice. Yes, it's only a sample but still - it was barely used!

My most favorite "drug store" lipstick was in the cache too! I know that one would have been a really easy one to replace - if I'd even noticed it was gone. But, now that I have my Maybelline Wet Shine Lip Color in Pink Topaz back, I'll definitely be using it. This one is almost gone and I might even repurchase!(if they're still making it)

I have a handful of little bottles of glitter - I can't remember where I got any of them and I think a few were given to me. Two of my favorites, white and hot pink, were in this cache. I might have noticed them missing but it wasn't such a loss. The white one really is amazing - it goes on colorless and just gives you glittery greatness. And the hot pink - my trick is to put a touch of blush on the apples of my cheeks first and then touch this on top - it's over the top glittery but super fun for a party or out on the town.

One of the products was the Colorscience Lip Polish in the color, Bed of Roses. It's a pretty interesting lip product. It's mineral based so in the tube it's a bit oily and thick. It has a special lip gloss applicator and a little comes out on it at a time. You're supposed to apply and let dry. It does stay on for a while - longer than others - when you let it dry. But, this morning, my bottom lip has an itchy spot. Could be that the product is a bit old (didn't smell or look funny when I applied it last night) or that my lips are sensitive to the lip plumping stuff. I think I'll try to give this one to someone cuz it's pretty cool and I'd hate to just toss it. I might even try it on again - tho, the color is not ideal for me (it was a free sample given to a friend when she bought some bronzer from them and the color wasn't right for her).

And, last, but not least, my Body Time Luminous Rose Silk Facial Powder. I remember wondering where it went once and haven't thought of it since. I'm really happy to have this back tho because I wear mineral foundation at work and sometimes, when I'm having a good day, I don't need the color and this will be perfect. Yay!

Thanks for reading - if you're curious about any of these products enough to go get them, do let me know what you think.

self portrait challenge - food.02

2007-10-10T20:28:00.001-07:00

My second "food" entry for SPC.

On Sunday, we went to Baker Beach

View Larger Map
and grumbled at the Blue Angels flexing their military muscle all over our supposed-to-be quiet day. Eventually, they landed and we were able to take a nap that left us hungry.
Hungry and near Clement Street

(which might as well be China Town West here in San Francisco) meant that we were on a hunt for noodles. Part of the hunt included trying to find noodles to cook at home.

And boy did we find them! The May Wah Supermarket made our night. We got oodles of noodles, veggies, soy milk, tea, a wok cleaning brush, some nice porcelain soup spoons, lots of different versions of bean paste filled cookies, a small bottle of sake and one small can of basil seed drink.

Below, you'll see two photos (I have SUCH a hard time deciding!!) of me and the latter two Asian market finds.

Ahh, basil seed drink. I was pretty nervous to try this stuff, hence the drink not quite hitting my mouth.¹

Mmm, nigori sake in a pretty pink bottle. It was a half bottle so my huge hand is actually not huge.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

¹Once he did it...

...I couldn't back down!

It's actually filled with these little gelatinously coated black seeds that taste vaguely of basil. The juice that they float inside tastes mildly of banana flavoring and the fun part was chomping down on the strange little seeds - it was easier to do so when only a small mouthful is ingested at a time.

The technique of filling the mouth with a big gulp and then trying to catch the seeds between the teeth...

...didn't work so well.

self portrait challenge - food.01

2007-10-02T23:03:00.000-07:00

The challenge for SPC this month is food.

Yay!

I love food and I love photographing food and I love taking self portraits. I've just never focused on doing them together so this is super fun for me (rubs hands together with glee).

The hardest part of this challenge is choosing only one image to post here.
I've narrowed it down to just two¹ and if you feel so inclined, I'd love to hear which is your favorite and why.

These two are from my "candy obsession" session. Feel free to click to see the image larger.

I like this one best for the composition overall, but I don't like that the Cyprus Delight² I'm pulling from the shelf is cut off.

I like this one best for the look on my face, the fun, sharp perspective and the fact that the Cyprus Delight is shown off better, but I don't like the overhead light that's, well, directly over my head.

¹Actually, I wanted to share this one too because I felt like a 10 year old when I was shooting this part of the "candy obsession" series. I was giggling and trying to get the chocolate to show without it looking too gross. Then my man walked into the kitchen and said "are you taking pictures of yourself stuffing chocolate into your mouth?" and just kind of shook his head and laughed as I cracked up. I couldn't stop laughing. It was a super deep, belly laugh and it felt really good. Be forewarned, if you click thru to the larger image, it might gross you out like it did him. I think it's hilarious and it makes me giggle to look at it.

²similar to Turkish Delight, a la The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe, only made in Cyprus instead. I got it at Bi Rite Creamery and it's got lots of yummy bergamot flavor - deelish.

my first time Critical Mass attendance...

2007-09-29T14:10:00.000-07:00

...was on the 15th anniversary!

Before last night, every time Critical Mass would take to the streets, I would be otherwise engaged and would either watch from a window or not even know it was happening.
Yesterday, I got finished work early and was ready to ride at 6:15 - I even got to start with the rest of the group. The starting with the rest of the group thing wasn't ideal as we were unfortunately stuck in an inbetween spot where there weren't masses of bikes around us. Tho, there were some awesome "traffic holders" that would post up in front of oncoming traffic so we could fly thru the red lights, hooting, hollering and ringing bells. Drivers seemed incredibly patient the whole time my man and I were riding.

At one point, the group in front of us decided to wait for the group behind us to catch up, then it became really fun. There were two police officers on bikes in the ranks - not sure if they were "participants" in the sense that everyone else was, but they didn't hassle anyone. Actually, at one point, we heard an ambulance coming and a bunch of bikes stopped the rest of us so we could let it pass. The cops on bikes were the only ones who crossed around the bikes holding us up and in front of the Ambulance - ironic.

We split from the group near Lower Haight slash Duboce Triangle

when hunger took over and headed back to The Mission for cheesesteaks and the best garlic fries on the planet at Jay's.

When we were in Lost Weekend Video choosing the night's entertainment, the whole group came by again - which was super fun because we then got to be the peds on the sidelines cheering them on.
That's when I heard someone say that it was the 15th anniversary of the fun "sociodynamic" experiment. I'd link you to the "official" CM website but it seems that the unofficial, official website hasn't been maintained.

Yay for peaceful anarchic gatherings based on cycling!

self portrait challenge - bathroom

2007-09-23T23:56:00.000-07:00

this is my first contribution to self portrait challenge. i've completed the challenge in the past, just not gone all the way to posting here.

i found the bathroom topic to be intriguing for a few reasons.
the first being that i love the bathroom here at my boyfriend's apartment and was excited to photo-document myself in it.
the second being that scene in Say Anything when James Court gets into his empty tub, with all of his clothes on to cry about how his world is collapsing around him. that scene has always made me cry with empathy.
the third reason takes the second reason into consideration. i've been going thru a lot of changes emotionally and mentally and find that i gain solace when in the bath.

in these photos, i attempted to capture the strong, yet emotionally challenged state i've been existing in for the past few months. it just so happens that these two images were, respectively, the first and last photos i took for this challenge.

memories of ron - part I

2007-09-20T23:37:00.000-07:00

my dad's a scuba diver.

when I spent summers with him, sometimes he'd take me out to his dives with him. that usually meant that I'd sit in the boat while he was digging up starfish and sea urchins. sometimes I'd swim around and try to get back in the boat (which usually meant I'd end up hanging off the edge of the boat waiting for him to pull me back in. i've never been very strong in the upper body.)

sometimes he'd bring some giant or tiny lobsters up (the ones the lobsterpeople would have to throw back) for me to look at and we'd watch them swim away. sometimes we'd sneak them home and eat them - once we had a lobster with a claw that was at least six inches across. my mom kept the empty shell for years.

anywho, the real story I wanted to tell was about the time he brought up a fresh scallop. he split the beautiful, white shell open, sliced out the guts and threw them back where they came from. then he slurped the still living scallop muscle right down his throat while I watched, somewhat awed, somewhat disgusted. he offered me some and after I declined he said "I love it when I can feel them wriggle down my throat."

I wish I were that adventurous with food.

words and notes by friends - together for 60 minutes

2007-09-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

hear Obvious World and me read some poems that are backed up by Joel Garnier's musical stylings here. The song should start right away.

I wrote these poems when I was in college and recorded myself reading them a couple of months ago.
Obvious always seems to be writing poems and he recorded his readings around the time I did, just so Joel could add music and put it up on his now-retired radio show on KRUU FM out of Fairfield, Iowa.
One never knows what Joel will be doing with his website and its content, so listen soon and then hit him up on his guest book so he can feel the love. :)

history

2007-09-06T15:24:00.000-07:00

last night, I was honored enough to have a few tastes of a madeira made in 1910.

it was the first, and, I pray, not the last, time i've ever ingested anything almost a century old and i could taste the history.

it was smooth and wonderful and perfect, in every way.

now i want to know where that bottle started and how it travelled to end up filling my glass, twice, in 97 years. ahh, reverie.

update: according to wiki madeira's are the longest lasting wines. next on the list is one made in 1834!

dreaming is such a tease

2007-07-21T11:22:00.000-07:00

I've had some seriously deranged dreams lately. I even had "the strangest dream I've ever had" - which is pretty monumental considering I've had many, many strange dreams.

One of my favorite of the recent dream selections involved someone who has written me off in waking reality, communicating to me in pictograms that she's warming up to me again. I woke up feeling really good. I'm too scared to tell her about it - to break the ice, if you will - as she's made it quite clear that she's not interested in having anything to do with me anymore and she peppers her language to me with threats of bodily harm.

I wish I could remember what the pictograms were. In the dream it was really fun deciphering them and then talking about them with her.

Sigh.

violet

2007-07-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

last night I dreamed of blood

it was deep and dark

and I was in it

there was a black haired maiden at my feet

urging me to tear myself open

even more

reflecting on the changes of the last decade and a half

2007-06-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

15 years ago compared to now

.:my mom keeps telling her friends that they can't trust me anymore and then she giggles. fun little jokester former hippy mom. i don't think she trusted me much when I was 15.
.:i still like birthday cake AND cookies on my birthday.
.:shiny red flats and a black and white dress were my birthday dinner garb - not much has changed since I made a vow at 15 to put in my will that my funeral would be "a party on Big Sandy Beach (or Singing Sands - depending on who you talk to) where everyone had to wear only black, white and/or red and they could only bring balloons and that they all had to dance rather than cry" - I still agree with that sentiment and still have no will, nor valuables to put into a will. my cds always go to someone at least 10 years younger than me. yes, I still buy cds.
.:This Night Has Opened My Eyes is still my most favorite Smiths song ever. I still listen to it over and over in one sitting - just not as often as when I was 15.
.:When i was 15 and told someone something that was personal, it never was very personal and I was always a bit hyper about his/her reaction. Now, I still get sad when I share something I feel to be emotionally exposing and I either get no response at all or get a response that seems to come from a place of not understanding what I was saying. The latter is easier for me to deal with than the former because at least I feel that it's okay to keep talking about it. The former happened recently, twice, with the same person, and it's really made me sad but I'm must more okay with it than I would have been at 15. The latter happened over and over with the same person and it left me feeling a need for space, and I asked for it. I wouldn't have been able to do it like that when I was 15.
.:i don't drink as much now as I did when I was 15. And when I drink wine now, it's almost always out of a glass, and not the bottle, unlike 15 years ago when I spilled pink paul masson wine down both sides of my face, while laughing, and not choking, and trying to chug it so I could get drunk.
.:i'm much more balanced when i'm stoned. I still get a little too chatty and sometimes talk out my ass, but I have more of a rein on the runaway thought/babble patterns.
.:I'm softer now.
.:My smile is twice as big and twenty gazillion times more sincere.
.:My eyebrows look ridiculously better now that I've learned the art of eyebrow shaping.
.:Feelings are allowed to exist inside me now.
.:Swearing is not nearly as common these days as it was back then - I was so angry at 15.
.:My hair's basically the same. I like my curls and they're good at telling me how to make them look.
.:I feel much less of a need to talk about my beliefs now than I did then. PHEW!

while you were away

2007-05-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

wanting to write a poem to encompass the depth and breadth of emotions i've been feeling lately, yet feeling trite, saccharine and obvious, i chose to read instead. i happened upon this poem in the May 2007 issue of The Sun that somehow helped me feel slightly less singular.

while you were away
by Richard Newman

I thought about sex. I turned 40, drank beer
on the back porch by myself. Called an ex.
Last night, the woman across the alley, the one
with that green porch light, suddenly appeared
in a white and black Dalmation-spotted bathrobe,
bare legs, and slippers and shuffled down wet bricks.
She may have seen me, but she also saw
our other neighbor's Datsun gone, that guy
she dated once or twice, out all night,
and so she quickly shuffled right back home.
From the front side of the house, across the street,
a guy kept yelling, "April! April! April!"
He pounded on the door, "C'mon, April!"
I am also sick of the month of March.
The season sucks us out of our houses, pulls
us onto porches and down damp alleys. We keep
testing our breaths against the cool night air.

This afternoon I made corn chowder, baked bread,
roasted asparagus for the Bollingers,
the mother deep in chemotherapy
for the second time. Their ten-year-old daughter
plays sweeper on the fifth-grade soccer team.
I wonder if the couple still has sex,
and if they do each time feels like the last.

Tonight the neighborhood is quiet.
No dogs bark. Everyone must have been
sucked back inside, maybe licking their wounds.
Our neighbor's light still burns a fungus green.
The roots begin to stir in the cold March rain.
I feel like I've been 40 all my life.
My daughter is at her mother's, and tonight,
you are so much farther away than sleep.
I finish another High Life, go upstairs
and crawl beneath the covers, shiver, naked.
The dog's been on the bed, smelly but warm -
the only warmth tonight, so I'll take it.

idol, i guess

2007-04-12T00:49:00.000-07:00

when I was little and scared
my dad encouraged me to listen to
and emulate
Madonna

I did
and already had been

I cried the first time I saw her in concert
I mean
I was in the same freaking room with her
it was overwhelming

and kinda silly

now even when I hear her song jump or how high
(new ones that don't have much emotion attached to them
yet)
I get choked up

even looking at her pics
gives me a bit of emotional stir

I don't want to meet her anymore
it seems that the magic could be ruined if that happened

well, maybe I do

but I want to not want to meet her anymore

I want to keep the idolatry in it's place
keep the pedestal in the gallery
and keep the dreaming free

things I saw at the park

2007-03-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

it was a gorgeous, warm, sunny day, and my roommate and I went to brunch.

we ate brunch inside and then decided to go to the park.

we saw my bike messenger friend by the video store.

we all decided to get ice cream and then go to the park - my friend would meet us there.

i chose honey lavender ice cream - one scoop, in a biodegradable cup. my roommate got one scoop of chocolate and one scoop of roasted banana - they were yummy. I liked mine much more but noticed that after eating a bit of the chocolate, I could taste the honey a lot more in mine.

my bike messenger friend didn't show up so we went to the park without him.

there were a lot of people, in little groups, sitting in the sun, on the grass.

i trod carefully to avoid stepping in any poop. i didn't see any poop, nor did I tred in any.

we took a couple of Polaroids before we figured out that we wanted to take shots of our hands against nature.

my bike messenger friend found us - he'd gone to get a 20 oz of some hand crafted beer, which he opened with a key.

I saw someone I'm friends with, sitting a few yards away and I waved and smiled. but I did not rise and go say hi. then we talked about park/beach/public lounge area protocol regarding seeing friends and acquaintances.

a man walked up and passed out next to us, on his back, with his face smartly covered by his hat. he lay there with his arms out and his legs splayed, like a baby, and snored. we secretly took a Polaroid of him.

my bike messenger friend got to see a girl's butt as she put on her bikini under her little dress. that made him happy.

my roommate and I continued our quest for Polaroids of our hands in front of nature while we made our way home. at one point, my roommate was on the ground with the camera and some guys drove by and yelled "i've fallen and i can't get up!" it was funny.

when we got home, we put the Polaroids on the wall where we'd put the tree branch and leaves stickers. the Polaroids look like they're leaves falling from the tree branches. We like it.

concerning lately

2007-03-13T23:30:00.000-07:00

shade covered tea time
jasmine and rose
warming my tongue
sweetening my day
filling my belly

a simple appreciation for life
just the way it is

*

losing friends
making new ones
simultaneously opposing feelings
tho one hurts more than one feels good

essentially, the game is to simply let the felt experience happen

*

entering a new sphere of influence
shedding that which is no longer needed
discovering new realms within which
to coexist
and function

*

jasmine and rose
remember my heart for me

blister on my toe
remind me to heel

tension in my shoulders
your job here is done

bliss in my heart
have a cup of flowers and stay a while

JOB: A comedy of Justice

2007-03-12T14:21:00.000-07:00

Robert A. Heinlein wrote a novel with that name in the 80's and I just finished reading it in oh seven and it was amazing. So much of it fit right in with today's perspective, as most of Heinlein's books (that I've read) do.

There was a section in the middle, near the beginning of the end, where I got irritated with the main character but the end wrapped it all up for me. I think I was "supposed" to get irritated with him. Anyone who's interested in alternative views on traditional religions will appreciate this novel - anyone who likes to dissect Christianity and it's rules will appreciate it even more.

This is a pretty perfect book and I'm super glad that my cosmic friend Obvious told me about it, and encouraged me to read it by telling me he dug it. It's probably one of the first books I've read where the end left me feeling satisfied, and not longing for more time with my new friends.

You can probably find it in any library, if you don't want to part with your hard earned sheckles. It's a long book but I read it quick - it was all I wanted to do in my down time.

Teary Eyed at Work

2007-02-03T14:18:00.000-08:00

this story made me so happy that i got misty eyed at the spa front desk.

A Dog Named Hero

Mexican thankfulness in photos

2006-11-29T10:03:00.000-08:00

Click any image to see it larger on flickr. :)

Ventilation and Awe

Doors

Patterns and Lines

Reflected Selves

Ancient structures

no no, thank YOU!

2006-11-18T00:08:00.000-08:00

I'll be out of town, out of the country, for a week to celebrate the idea of thankfulness.

Here are the things I'm most thankful for right now:
love
growth
my friends who allow me to be me and who are just beautiful being who they are
my family who are always full of love
travel
understanding
forgiveness
skincare
my new career
my new job within the realm of the above two
my goals
my five year plan
travelling with my honey
borrowing books from the library for travel reading
80 degree days and 40 degree nights (farenheit)
no plan plans
$1 = ~10 pesos
$45 1 1/2 hour massages

In the somewhat remote mountain town in Mexico, I'm sure there is some internet but I see no reason to access it when I've only got six days to soak up my first experience in a country that doesn't speak English as a first language.
Fortunately, my man does and I'm really good at talking with my hands.

I'm sure I'll post photos eventually upon my return.

If you comment on this or my page and don't see it, that's because I have to approve all of that communication and that won't happen until the 27th.
(tho, I bet I'll log on before I head out tomorrow afternoon... maybe... if I ever log off and go pack...)

plus; +; positive; more than neutral; opposite of negative

2006-11-03T19:59:00.000-08:00

My blogs have been so negative and full of turmoil and strife lately so I've decided to share some "victories" with y'all, if only to let it be known that there is a very lighthearted being behind/above/within/around/next to that heavy one.

I had a GREAT day today:

:It started with discovering that my bike wasn't outside in the rain but left in an indoor sanctuary - yay for a rust free chain.

:Then I got to share a cab with three people and only had to contribute the cash in my wallet (about $2 with another $2 owed a schoolmate who threw in $5 for both of us).

:Even tho I was late, so were a bunch of other students who aren't usually and when the school pres asked us why so many of us "usually on timers" were late and we said "BART emergency" she said "Oh, that's a good excuse then." I still got a tardy but that's okay, the next, or I should say LAST, six week cycle starts on Tuesday (which means tardy's get reset).

:My last six week cycle will really only last for four more weeks, one of which is a week in Mexico for Thanksgiving! Yeah.

:I had a job interview yesterday at an excellent spa and I'm psyched to have gotten invited back for a second interview on Monday - it'll be awesome to get this job for many reasons but I'll save that for my next "good news" entry after I actually accept an offer.

:I got certified in TRUE makeup this morning (more good news connected to that if the above entry goes the way I hope and feel it will...). I love this makeup. It's all mineral based and super kind to the skin. Read about it if you're curious. Being certified only means that if I work in a salon or spa that sells it, I'm allowed to apply it to clients. And now I can do full makeup applications at school on my clients for free!

:I had a wonderful client this afternoon who rebooked for some waxing and bought the product that I recommended. I'm totally loving telling people about products and seeing their skin improve because of them. Did you know that 90% of the benefits you see in your skin after a facial come from the home care routine? It's true. Think about that the next time you consider buying a face cleanser at the drug store.

:Tomorrow is Saturday, which is really my Friday, because it's the last day of the week for me. Hopefully my crew and I will be going out dancing - sometimes we never actually make it out but we always have a great time.

Post script:
:Apparently, my horoscope for today is ALSO about positivity. Yay! I love it when things synch up. :)

November 3, 2006
Positive Outlook
Gemini Daily Horoscope

You could feel like pursuing your goals with resolve and purpose, which could make you optimistic about the outcome. Perhaps your zeal might be because you can picture a positive end result or because you refuse to allow negative thoughts to influence you. Keeping your focus on the future hopeful and positive today may make it easier for you to realize your goals. It might be useful to make a list of all of the characteristics you possess that will aid you in reaching your goals. By thinking of your positive qualities, you can concentrate on the potential you have to manifest your dreams, which can help boost your confidence in yourself. If you feel that you will be able to achieve your goals, then this power of positive thinking adds not only to your self-assurance but also puts a hopeful intention out into the universe.

Remaining positive about what the future holds allows us to put our energy into the most important thing that will help us reach our dreams..ourselves. Even though our dreams do not always happen exactly as we hope, we are most often the key to our own success. Having confidence in ourselves gives us the means to place our focus on what we need to do in a way that is meaningful and constructive. When we set our sights high and with optimism, the universe will respond in kind. By believing in yourself today, the universe will listen to your positive intentions and give you the means to reach your dreams.

overwhelmed by isness (a process documentation)

2006-10-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

incarnation is hard
working out this whole "human" thing
is labyrinthine

i've been told that i'm no good at killing the minotaur
(or the medusa
or however the myth goes)

but I'm still in the middle of the battle
and the battle is evermore.
or, at least, until I get over the drama of the body...

[insert angels laughing riotously
knowingly
lovingly
dripping their effervescent tears onto my head
to remind me of home
and why I'm here]

[meanwhile, back on the battlefield:]
the mirror is being aimed
the light is reflecting and finding it's target
the medusa is shattering
the minotaur has a broken leg
at least
maybe even lost an eye
his tail is definitely shorter than it was

i feel overwhelmed by being in a body
overwhelmed by having a heart
overwhelmed by calls to integrity and goodness

they make sure that
every step is weighed
every thought analyzed
every interaction graded
processing is constant
learning is ever-present

silence does not exist here anymore
__________
i'm so tired

"i jus wan take nap rih her"

(quoting my youth
when
lighting a cigarette off of the one i wasn't even finished smoking
was what i did when drunk at a party)
_________________________________
am i drunk on the heaviness of existence?
am i regretting taking the drink of incarnation?
am i losing my ground-ded-ness?
________________________________________________
"life's ups and downs are easy when you have a fast car"
is written on a card
magnetized to the fridge
at my borrowed sanctuary
where I go to feel loved and open
and give thanks for the opportunity
to throw my arms wide and let go

yeah, let's go
let's use that fast car and go for a drive
blast the tunes
throw open the sunroof
drink wine
hit the beach
relax
RELAX
breathe clean air
run
play
laugh
LAUGH
giggle
play
laugh
run
drive
weee!

{this has been an active process by adrienecrimson - we hope you enjoyed the ride - to some art is about process rather than outcome, hence the first draft quality of this collection of words}

little blog tussle

2006-10-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

Below is a really funny blog war that I've been involved in. It's funny because we both posted "Daily OM" emails that talk all about positivity and spirituality and we both posted them for the other.

I recently received a series of emails from someone who doesn't agree with the way I live my life. I got over it, relatively, and then stupidly decided to re-read them today and subsequently cried, got depressed and needed a pep-talk from a good friend. Post pep-talk, i checked my www.dailyom.com email and found this to be apropos for both myself and the writer of the above mentioned emails.

I am blogging it because I think that this information is good for all of us as we try to make our way thru this dense experience called incarnation.

October 16, 2006
Seeing Beyond The Unknown
Fear Of Losing What We Have

One of humanity's biggest fears is losing what we have. It is healthy when fear of loss helps us take steps to protect what we have worked hard to attain, but it is unhealthy to continue to fear something we can do nothing about. We need to remember that focusing our energy on fear can actually create what scares us, and holding tightly to what we have keeps us from participating in the universal flow of abundance and instead creates stagnation. Since we can only really control our thoughts and our responses, gaining proper perspective may be key to conquering such fears.

The letters of the word "fear" can be used to stand for "False Evidence Appearing Real." Fears of being separated from something or someone we feel we need for our security or happiness comes from a delusion - a distorted way of understanding ourselves and the world around us. When we understand that possessions are only representations of the energy at work in our lives, we can shift our attention to the right and proper place. We can stop fearing loss of money or success because when we understand how it is created, we can always create more. We can stop fearing loss of possessions when we realize that they are not the source of our joy or well-being but only icing on our cakes. And when we understand the energy of love, we need not hold anyone too close for fear of losing them for we know that love does not diminish when it is given or shared but expands beyond boundaries of time or space.

By focusing our light on our fears, they are revealed as mere shadows that disappear in the presence of mind and spirit. We can choose instead to direct our thoughts and creative power toward things of true value - love, abundance, peace, passion, and joy. These are energies that are always available to us when we place ourselves confidently in the universal flow of abundance.

then, a few days after I posted this, there was a response posted:

(a daily om from the archives)

Integrity

A boat with no leaks is said to have integrity, as is a solid piece of furniture. It is their wholeness-no gaps or weaknesses-that gives them their integrity. People who have integrity convey a similar "seaworthiness" and stability. There is the sense that they can be counted on, that their actions will be consistent with their ideals. Just being in the presence of someone with this quality creates a feeling of steadiness even in a chaotic environment. These people are natural leaders because we sense that it is safe to follow them. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi are clear examples of modern human beings who embodied integrity.

All spiritual traditions have vows, precepts, and tenets that are designed to encourage us to live in harmony with a higher vision of what humanity can be. Following a set of precepts, or taking a vow, can teach us what it feels like to be true to a set of elevated ideals in which we think beyond I, me, and mine. Being true to a vow in the face of temptation builds strength and power. We learn first hand the benefits of sacrificing short-term gains in favor of long-term vision. We learn the value of doing what is right, and not just what is easy. In a culture obsessed with convenience and freedom, integrity can be a rare quality. Perhaps this is because we have a cultural habit of resisting limitation and restriction. And yet, limitation and restriction often provide the structure in which integrity can be born.

Living with integrity generates self-confidence and self-esteem. It is important to take time on a regular basis to examine whether your actions, your words and your vision are in alignment. Make it a priority to look into any imbalances you find and commit to resolving them. Take time to consider and, when necessary, revise your overall vision for life, making sure your actions and words support your ideals.

I surrender.

I will not read that blog anymore (no matter how hard it is to not click on that link).

I will take that integrity post to heart and live within what I consider to be my own integrity, which includes not rising to any bait and simply being the person I want to be.

In case you find it odd that I would post on a different, unmonitored blog, this post is simply an appreciation of the fact that we were warring with deep philosophy and I find that kinda sweet.

Well, bittersweet if anything.

tear it out and throw it onstage for all to see

2006-09-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

step right up folks, here it is, the only heart in the world that's inside out.
yes yes, look right there, it's hollow under all of that fire and the blood flows on the outside.

legend states that every so often, a strong fire builds inside that hollow and clears out all of the blues that get too heavy and sticky.
the fire leaves it looking like some of those redwood trees up there in northern california.
still growing but the center of the bottom is hollow and charred.
the tops are green and red, just as they should be.
and their root system is so wide that they don't even need the center to have any mass for them to remain standing.

that is just like this heart folks.

it is currently in burn mode.
you can see the smoke exit thru the aorta.
it's wings are gone and the blood has retreated until the burn subsides some.

there is always some fear that the charred tissue will become all that there is of this little heart so until that time, step right up and watch it burn.
perhaps the blood will flow again and sprout new wings.
perhaps not.

self excoriation reaches well beyond the dermis, perhaps even as far as...

2006-09-12T21:09:00.001-07:00

...to the smooth, cardiac muscle.

the basement
tho furnished
seemed without egress

that girl down there
with all sweetness and light
feels no room
for bitter and dark

meringue

irish stout

can they not be favored by a similar palate?
do they not serve similar, yet completely different epicurian purposes?

would the basement
be of increased interest
with a window?

would the girl
end the digging
digging
DIGGING
D
I
G
G
I
N
G
DIGGING
into herself

thru all of the protective layers
deep into vulnerability
beyond safety
where the blood flows
sharp
crimson
thick
salty
appendages torn
barely useful
from all of the
D
I
G
G
I
N
G

'must, fix, must, fix, must, fix.must.fix.must.fix.mustfixmustfixfixfixfixfixfixfixfix'

'this basement is dark'

she destroys the wall and walks outside

she tries floating the meringue in the irish stout
not exactly what she was trying to do
but it's too late now

and even with the sky blown open
and the grass underfoot
it's still fucking dark
and now there's candy in her beer
and a cut all the way to her heart

and she put it there herself

thinking it would fix things

happy happy happy...

2006-08-19T19:08:00.000-07:00

...that's me!

I love my school and my studies.
I just finished week one and I'm content and purring like a cat lying in a patch of sun, on a fuzzy blanket, after eating a whole lot of wet food and sitting in a lap being stroked for an hour (if you don't know cats, you won't get the "wet food" bit and that's okay, it's a "trade secret" in the cat loving world - join us and you'll learn!).
I'm tired and fighting a sore throat and about to take a bath but I'm happier than I've been in a long time.

Anyone in SF who wants a facial (or body skin treatment, some body waxing, a haircut or color) - just let me know - it's a great place and I'll be "on the floor" taking clients (for the first three things anyway) in just five weeks! But you can come any time because everyone there is great at what they do, and if, by chance, they're not, their "learning leader" (aka teacher) will help make it great.

I just thought I'd share that with you guys because I'm really excited to have shrugged off the corporate life and be re-entering the world of client care. :)
Anyone considering leaving behind a job that leaves them with no inspiration or personal satisfaction for something filled with creativity and joy all I can say is DO IT!
There's a book out there called Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow - I haven't read it but the title is enough for me, and with faith in yourself, it should be enough for you too.

it's official

2006-07-20T18:11:00.000-07:00

I am now an Esthetician (aka Esthie) student at The San Francisco Institute of Esthetics and Cosmetology. At least, I signed the paperwork today.
Class starts on August 15th.
My last day of work will be August 11th, unless we replace me at work sooner than that... fingers crossed...
I'll be learning to administer facials and back treatments, hair removal with hot wax and makeup application techniques and I couldn't be more excited!

and nervous

and dharmic

and anxious...

There will be 8 students, at this point, and I'm glad for the small class size.
I won't have to work at all for the first few months (it's a total of 600 hours in 35 hour weeks and I should graduate around December 16th). If I budget well, I won't have to work at all!

Basically, what I'm trying to say is

WOOT!

surreal cereal 001

2006-07-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

a certain solitude of the soul filled existance jungle music heals starting from outside vibratory planes and slowly filling up the holes

shoes help support the bottom of your soul's feet's shadow

music makes me feel better

2006-07-06T17:47:00.000-07:00

1a. grumplesaurus all day (gawd I can't wait to be done with this job - only 20 more working days...) decided to take a very small check to the bank just to get out of this office.
couldn't resist the mega media store "sale" on "80s" stuff

I walked out with a flatter wallet and three new CDs

Madonna (of course) - Like a Virgin (now I finally own the CD...my mom has my vinyl somewhere, I think/hope)
Heart - Heart (same as above re: vinyl)
Tears for Fears - Songs from the Big Chair

Yay, now I can sing along to three more cds.

[heavy bit]
1b. I used to sing the TFF song "Shout" (I think you might know it) when I was like, uh, 8 or something, when that song was popular originally, to my dad and I'd yell the part "I'd really love to break your heart."
Sigh.
Perhaps I knew he'd break mine later...
[/heavy bit]

2. was a grumplesaurus on Monday (I had to go to work - no, not to work, but to keep from having to use a vacation day to not work) and when the "going to a movie double feature where the second movie is free" plan didn't pan out, I continued decoupaging tea tags to my tea tin while singing along as loud as I could to Fiona Apple's Tidal and I slowly became perky - especially when I realized that I was finished my tea tin (the decoupaging part - now I have to find toy truck wheels to attach to the bottom).

3. when I was in college, it was non-traditional. I got graded on how long I could sit up and then hop with my legs in (half) lotus during an 1.5 hour meditation session, twice a day, in a large, gold, domed building with a cement floor covered in foam mattresses coverd in white sheets. I also got graded on how well/often I put a particular man's philosophy into my school work (the more, the higher the grade, the more likely you were to get an award upon graduation - unlike me). When I got overwhelmed by all of it, I would either listen to Soundgarden Superunknown or Peter Gabriel's Passion depending on the vibe of the overwhelm.
One of the wonderful benefits of my strange university experience was the regular doses of live Ghandarva Ved music concerts that would happen in one of those foamy, sheety domy buildings [read: lying down to float away to never never land because of the dreamyness of the music.] I think they happened once a month and were free.

4. SIGH.

longing for Long - pt.2

2006-06-29T14:27:00.000-07:00

I was born in Portland, the town this island used to be a part of (until they seceded on July 1, 1995 - which makes the week of the 4th of July every year since, a bit hazy for most residents). My parents broke up after three years of my life and my mom took me to Philly with her. I would return to this island in summers and for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas and Spring school breaks.

1. my dad's house (see previous post for more details) which he says he only built for me.

2. where my best friends, Heather and Sadhana, lived. I've been friends with them since day one of this incarnation. They're 11 months older than me and their parents were best friends with mine so my idea is my mom met them and said to my dad "lets have a baby too" and two months of trying later, viola, here comes me!

3. our friend Melissa's house. She came along later. I was jealous of her for a while because I didn't go to the island for a few summers (parental politics) and that's when H & S became friends with her. I got over it eventually and we all had wonderful times walking around the island, in the middle of the street, of course, all night, drunk, and peeing outside, in the middle of the street, of course.

4. the cove where my dad anchored his boat and where he kept the canoe he used to get out to his boat. It wasn't a great place to hang out unless we were getting into the boat but at high tide it was a wonderful place to look for rocks and shells.

5. This is NEW HILL - the best downhill biking EVER, EVER, EVER!!! The hill terminated, as you can see, just in front of a cove, so there was an abrupt turn - probably 85 degrees, so the adrenalyn would get pumping to make the turn without crashing at full speed. The goal was always to try to make it down the hill without using any breaks. i think I achieved that once or twice (I'm a chicken but I have scars on my knees from falling off my bike a few turns later because I went to fast while turning on sand! dammit!)

6. Big Sandy Beach - my favorite beach ever - the sand squeeks when you walk across it - my dad says it's because aliens landed in the water next to it and charged it up. They also call it Singing Sands Beach. My dad would take us there in his truck - we'd stand in the back and jump out without him even having to stop.This is where the teenagers would have bonfires and drink at night. During the day there would be a volleyball net set up by our friend Seth who is sadly no longer in his body. :( He was always so happy and fun to be around... but that's another story.

7. Down Front - where the ferry boat would drop off and pick up. Also where the one grocery shop was and the bar, The Spa (pronounced "Spar") which was also the only restaurant, which was connected to the post office. Edgar was the man who ran the little grocery store with the cement floor that always had sand on it in the summer that would feel so fun on our bare feet. We'd get half a popsicle - leave the other half for someone else - and put the charge on the family charge account. Once when we were at Big Sandy a lightening storm started in the blink of an eye - everyone left the beach to avoid electrocution and headed to Edgar's (a whole mile away) and the road was steaming and we were rain soaked. H, S and I "took showers" under the rainspout that poure down hot rain from the roof of his store. The rain stopped and we all went back to the beach to pick up where we left off.

longing for Long - pt.1

2006-06-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

First off, I have to say that there are at least five Long Islands in MAINE alone so please don't say "don't you mean New York?" like most of the fools I've told about my childhood home say to me.

Anywho...
My dad built this amazingly weird and wonderful house (that some said was actually a "cabin") on this tiny island in Maine called Long:
This map shows you exactly where.

He hand sculpted a fireplace from cement and stone that looks like a cat (he says it's a dragon) complete with stones for teeth and pipes for eyes that came from inside the chimney that had little amber marbles in the front of a cat shaped eye that would glow when the fire was tall enough (it was a treat to make those eyes glow).

He put a claw foot tub on top of a hand made stone and cement woodstove in the bathroom so we could fill the tub and start a fire and have a hot tub for as long as you want. When that stopped working, the only option was to shower standing in the middle of a wide open bathroom/shower room that had a showerhead hanging from a hose dangling from the ceiling.

All the doors were thick - at least four inches - and hand made with wood bars that you turned from vertical to horizontal to "lock" the door.

There was an outhouse with an old phone booth door that was spray painted on the inside and latched with a rope for a door.

There was another outhouse with windows from a trailer.

There was a toilet upstairs, because his girlfriend got tired of peeing in a bucket at night, that used water from a hose to fill the tank.

The washing machine had no outer casing so you could watch your clothes washing. This machine was inside a room that had one wall made of fiberglass and that's where my father practiced his agriculture. This room had a door to nowhere (but outside) that my friend Vinnie jumped out of in his doc martin boots on a dare (he landed fine but no one else has copied him).

I can still hear the sound of the fridge latch.

The front door had a lion with a ring in it's mouth for a knocker.

The giant oriental rug that was on the floor in the summer would cover the front stone and glass wall to try to keep heat in but I would sit in front of the fire place, with the kerosene heater on the other side of me, and when I would turn my face up and exhale, I'd see my breath.
I hated taking showers in that big open room in the winter and every time my bare feet would touch the floor, they'd ache.
My room was cozy tho - it had wall to wall carpet and was the size of a walk in closet (probably 5" by 10") so the vertical electric heater kept it toasty.

All of the floors in the house were black and white checkered - upstairs was actual linolieum tiles and downstairs was a painted, uneven, cement floor.

I've never taken pictures.

I took it for granted.

I lost it when I wouldn't go to court with my dad to fight his girlfriend whose name the house was in and who just wanted him to pay the monthly mortgage until it was paid off and then he could have it after she left him for some other man with a house in New Hampshire after 11 years of common law marriage. She won the house because my dad refused to become a part of the society that deals with taxes, W4s, bank loans and other government inspired shackles. She sold it to the neighbors who started using it as a garage.

The last time I was there, I couldn't even get berth enough to take pics of the fire place cuz there was so much crap in the living room.

My dad doesn't talk to me anymore - partly because of my reticence towards going to court, partly because he's a bit insane and paranoid and partly because he doesn't agree with advancing as a human, and I do, and I won't let him get away with that when we do talk.

I hear he's building a ferrous cement catamaran houseboat on a river in southern Oregon. If you look at this map and notice the tressle on the east side. Under that is where this boat is being born. It's 40'x60' with ferrous cement pontoons filled with styrofoam with a house on top.

I hope to get to see it, and take photos of it, sometime soon.

Confessions - my humble review

2006-05-31T00:47:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Madonna's Confessions concert and I'm very pleased.
She didn't open with a reading of her confessions like on her website, as I was hoping, maybe just because of how she opened Reinvenion, but she appeared from within a giant disco ball that descended from the ceiling - most likely, she was enclosed in that thing for at least an hour before starting the show - that alone is admirable, tho doesn't make a concert...
The video of her with horses and equestrian accoutremont was fun but, as I will mention for other segments, our side, high view obscured at least half of the half circle screen that was above the stage so we missed out on some of the presentation. Her dancers danced on their hands and knees and moved as if they were horses - so far into the mime was one dancer that he had a saddle on his back and when on all fours, Mrs. Ritchie mounted it. Giggle. I liked that part.
Uh, I forget what song that was, maybe future lovers... oops.

She then had a video montage of kids in africa with a link ad for some organization I've never heard of - the clinton something dot org... she sang Live to Tell for that one. Again, the high side view obscured some of the text she posted and the video feed on the monitors only included the first statement.

There was also a spoken word bit that her dancers seemed to do - one by one they did very personal seeming dances while emotionally vulnerable monologues were played. I thought that was really sensitive and lovely, except that I didn't understand a word of what the girl said - perhaps it was just too highly pitched for the audio system. Sigh.

She came out on a mirror tiled cross, standing on a platform with her hands propped in some hooks and the mic extended from the cross so that it was in front of her mouth - no headsets in this show. She actually encorporated the handing off of her microphone to her dancers when she needed both of her hands, into the coreography - just like the eternal bride she is.

Oh, that reminds me - she sang Like A Virgin with video of people falling off horses juxtaposed against images of x- rays - no clavical ones tho, just ribs, appendages and hips. I loved that - as if she was saying that her accident last year made her feel brand new "feels so good inside..."

She had some amazing dancer/acrobats during Jump. One stunning specimine was a beautiful brown man (they were all beautiful, different genders and colors [duh] and shirtless, with lots of dancer/acrobat muscles - woot) who jumped from the top of one jungle gym to another and then another and then off of it to a ping pong table (those are my shortcut descriptions). Her dancers were all edgy urban style - some post krumpers, some gettin' their anger out thru insane full body movements, one did this really cool dance inside a cage (during the song Isaac - Isaac was there [duh] and sang very well with a stoic face) covered in some kind of hooded cape that she used beautifully.

She played some back up guitar as if she was lead guitar, haha, while her guitar teacher hung out on a bank of white speakers, in his white suit, playing his white acoustic guitar. It was sweet to see her play some rudimentary chords and effects and then leave it for him. I think he played on every song. Donna DeLory and a new Niki (Richards, instead of Haris) were there doing backup and a bit of dancin with her at the end.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confessions_Tour

1. "Future Lovers/I Feel Love"
2. "Get Together"
3. "Like A Virgin"
4. "Jump"
5. "Interlude (Dancer Confessions)"
6. "Live to Tell"
7. "Forbidden Love"
8. "Isaac"
9. "Sorry"
10. "Like It Or Not"
11. "Interlude (Sorry remix)"
12. "I Love New York"
13. "Ray of Light"
14. "Let It Will Be"
15. "Drowned World/Substitute For Love"
16. "Paradise (Not For Me)"
17. "Interlude"
18. "Music Inferno"
19. "La Isla Bonita"
20. "You Thrill Me/Erotica"
21. "Lucky Star"
22. "Hung Up"

For all of you who are gay or who love someone gay.

2006-05-31T00:17:00.000-07:00

Kudos to playwrite Jeff Whitty for writing this honest and straightforward open letter to Jay Leno.

Open Letter to Jay Leno

I have lots of gay individuals in my life and I find humor against them to be tasteless and ignorant - unless one of them is telling the joke... I've been known to chew out bulletin posters who like to display their ignorance in the form of "humor" that made me want to vomit.

I wish I could show you the text from the above mentioned chew out but he's committed myspace suicide and my sent mails to him are gone (he did apologize, fyi).

Here's the text from the above link:

Playwright Jeff Whitty (Avenue Q) is pissed off at Jay Leno's glib gay joke fodder, and we're right with him. The only way for macho jerks like Leno to realize it's not okay to make fun of gay people and profit at their expense is for us to tell them. And boy does Jeff tell him:

When you think of gay people, it's funny. They're funny folks. They wear leather. They like Judy Garland. They like disco music. They're sort of like Stepin Fetchit as channeled by Richard Simmons. Gay people, to you, are great material ... Mr. Leno, I have a sense of humor. It's my livelihood. And being gay has many hilarious aspects to itnone of which, I suspect, you understand.

Read Jeff's entire letter here.

Dear Mr. Leno,

My name is Jeff Whitty. I live in New York City. I'm a playwright and the author of Avenue Q, which is a musical currently running on Broadway. I've been watching your show a bit, and I'd like to make an observation:

When you think of gay people, it's funny. They're funny folks. They wear leather. They like Judy Garland. They like disco music. They're sort of like Stepin Fetchit as channeled by Richard Simmons. Gay people, to you, are great material.

Mr. Leno, let me share with you my view of gay people:

When I think of gay people, I think of the gay news anchor who took a tire iron to the head several times when he was vacationing in St. Martin. I think of my friend who was visiting Hamburger Mary's, a gay restaurant in Las Vegas, when a bigot threw a smoke bomb filled with toxic chemicals into the restaurant, leaving the staff and gay clientele coughing, puking, and running in terror. I think of visiting my gay friends at their house in the country, sitting outside for dinner, and hearing, within hundreds of feet of where we sat, taunting voices yelling "Faggots!" I think of hugging my boyfriend goodbye for the day on 8th Avenue in Manhattan and being mocked and taunted by passing high school students.

When I think of gay people, I think of suicide. I think of a countless list of people who took their own lives because the world was so toxically hostile to them. Because of the deathly climate of the closet, we will never be able to count them. You think gay people are great material. I think of a silent holocaust that continues to this day. I think of a silent holocaust that is perpetuated by people like you, who seek to minimize us and make fun of us and who I suspect really, fundamentally wish we would just go away.

When I think of gay people, I think of a brave group that has made tremendous contributions to society, in arts, letters, science, philosophy, and politics. I think of some of the most hilarious people I know. I think of a group that has served as a cultural guardian for an ungrateful and ignorant America.

I think of a group of people who have undergone a brave act of inventing themselves. Every single out-of-the-closet gay person has had to say, "I am not part of mainstream society." Mr. Leno, that takes bigger balls than stepping out in front of TV-watching America every night. I daresay I suspect it takes bigger balls to come out of the closet than anything you have ever done in your life.

I know you know gay people, Mr. Leno. Are they just jokes to you, to be snickered at behind their backs? Despite the angry tenor of my letter, I suspect you're a better man than that. I don't bother writing letters to the "God Hates Fags" people, or Donald Wildmon, or the pope. But I think you can do better. I know it's The Tonight Show, not a White House press conference, but you reach a lot of people.

I caught your show when you had a tired mockery of Brokeback Mountain, involving something about a horse done up in what you consider a "gay" way. Man, that's dated. I turned the television off and felt pretty fucking depressed. And now I understand your gay-baiting jokes have continued.

Mr. Leno, I have a sense of humor. It's my livelihood. And being gay has many hilarious aspects to itnone of which, I suspect, you understand. I'm tired of people like you. When I think of gay people, I think of centuries of suffering. I think of really, really good people who've been gravely mistreated for a long time now.

You've got to cut it out, Jay.

Sincerely,

Jeff Whitty

New York, N.Y.

this morning, on Valencia Street

2006-05-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

I saw a girl rollerblading down the bike lane in jeans and a knit tank top, with no bra, hair down, smoking a cigarette.
Oh, and, she was listening to an ipod that was in her back pocket.
I love this city.

today on 6th street...

2006-04-28T13:56:00.000-07:00

I went to my favorite mexican place for a burrito - it's acutally the less enticing version of the favorite place, because the neighborhood is awful (btwn mission and market on 6th) but it's the same food and I wanted it bad, so I decided to plunge in.

I walked out the back door to reduce the amount of yardage I'd have to cover on 6th street proper (you know, the place glorified in the recent movie RENT - because they couldn't find anywhere in NY that was dirty enough to recreate NYC in the 80s).

Made it to market and across 6th unscathed, un-catcalled, un-anythinged but sun shined-on. Heck, I even made it all the way thru the order at said mexican place (Cancun for you curious types) and then realized I was $1.66 short at this cash only establishment.
(yeah, I know - my bad)

I cross 6th again to hit the $3/service fee ATM at the donut shop. I stupidly decide to try my empty savings account first and add two minutes to my standing there. In those last two minutes, a woman comes up to me saying "don't say no, please don't say no, i need a dollar" - I didn't say no, I said "good luck to you, I don't have $1 for you" and she proceeded to tell me that her husband just died.
"I'm sorry to hear that" and I walked to the curb to cross back over 6th to finish my transaction with the buritto man.

She proceeded to:
threaten my life
threaten my mom's life
offer to spit on my face ["thanks, but no, I'm full,"]
and tell me what a horrid, "dog girl" that I am, along with a bunch of other stuff that I missed because of the adrenalin that kicked in in my "fight or flight? ok, flight" response.

Now I wish I would have told her to go to the city for help.

or to ask her her name so I could have her arrested for harassing me (sadly, I know how to have these vagrants arrested as it was part of my job description for a while)

or just go off and tell her to "fuck off and get a job you fucking crack head! you ruin homelessness for everyone who is drug free and down and out with no help available but to ask people like me for $, food or work!"

This shit really pisses me off - I hate having to be callous because I fell one too many times for someone's "I need to get home" stories.

Actually, some woman I did give a dollar to, well call her Ruiner because she ruined it for the rest of them, told me some song and dance about trying to get $7 to get on the bus back to Sacramento. I told Ruiner why everyone was so "mean" to her on that street "because crack heads are always trying to get money for their fix on this block."

How ironic.

I saw Ruiner three days later giving the same schpeal and I was so pissed.

Pissed for having been "taken" by some bullshit song and dance that NO one falls for unless they're new.
Pissed because I wanted to believe her - like that flute player who only needed another $7 to get his bus ticket to Seattle who, after I gave him $2, I've never seen again (and I happily assume he's reunited with his ex and their daughter up in Seattle)

I saw her two days after that, doing the same thing at a train station I was biking past as I yelled at her "LIAR!" and sped on.

I'm so sad and tired of this. I think I need to move to the country or something - this city makes my heart ache (in love because the good stuff is soo good as well as dispair at the lack of justice for simple humanity)

Stop taking advantage of my sad, broken heart. Please. Don't say no.

And quit coming to the city to "try" one of the millions of ridiculous drugs that ruin people's lives!

short and sweet

2006-03-24T14:21:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm blindfolded in the land of opportunity, playing marco polo with my destiny.

Repost: A Little St. Patrick's Day History Lesson

2006-03-17T09:53:00.000-08:00

I pulled this off of my friend Samir's blog because I was thinking the same thing and he did all the writing. If you disagree, post it here and we can have a lively discussion.
I might have written this with a little less agressiveness but the sentiments are the same - and I mean no insults to those of you living your lives as happy christians.

For all of you who are planning on celebrating St. Patricks day today, I thought I'd fill you in on a little history that you're probably not aware of. Being half Irish myself (if you look closely you can see the freckles) I'm very disturbed that so many people blindly celebrate the life of a man that they know nothing about. So here's your schoolin' bitches.

I know some of my readers, and some of my friends, are christians. If you are one of these people you already know that not only do I not care what your religious point of view is, I respect your opinion, even though it is not my own. But, by now you're surely wondering where this is going so I'll get to the point.

Patrick recieved sainthood because of his role in bringing christianity to Ireland. That is well known fact. What isn't taught in schools, and ESPECIALLY in church, is that in order to do this he had to take tens of thousands of lives. He came to the country to "civilize the savages" that were the majority at that time. These so called savages were Druids. Peaceful, earthy type folk who worshiped the world around them and all the great things it offered. They lived in complete harmony with nature, and harmed no one. They lived predominantly in the woods, or forests. They practiced connection with nature in every way, including free, and natural sexuality, which angered Partick and his ilk to no end. How dare someone think they are free to do what they chose with their genitalia. Alas, they didn't worship Patricks god, so they had to go. He traveled throughout Ireland converting the people to weak or weary to fight. The ones who did put up a fight, and stand up for their beliefs, and way of life, were murdered. Men women and children alike were slaughtered without a shred of conscience. No one was spared.There was no tolerance for freedom of choice. Jesus or death. After he had converted and or killed the whole of the Druid population, he burned all of their records. History, art, folklore, and life practices. Can't have any of those "villainous teachings"*(see the true meaning of the word at the bottom) raising their ugly heads and causing trouble for the church. To this day Irish peoples the world over are almost all Catholics. They have no real grasp of what Druidry, Celtics, or their own ancestors, were. An entire civilization was wiped out, all in the name of a supposedly loving and compassionate god. Therefore on March 17th of each year, I wear black. I wear black to mourn the loss of a race of people who only wanted to live in peace, their own way, and not bother, or be bothered by anyone else. An entire civilization erased by a man who couldn't stand the thought of anyone else in the world thinking differently from him. And for this murder, this genocide, a monster was immortalized, Connonized, for his efforts. It is not at all unlike Hitlers attempt to wipe Jews and Judaism off the face of the planet, although not on nearly as large a scale. So if you are Irish, or plan on celebrating today, take a long look at what you're drinking to. Maybe you should wear black and do what us Irish folk (even halfies) do best. Have a wake. Get shit faced drunk and party for the ones who are gone. Celebrate the lifes that were lost, and what they stood for.

If you made it this far, I applaud you. I'm sorry to be such a buzzkill, but someone has to take the initiative to educate the skull orchard that is the human race in the new millenium.

* The word Villain comes from the Latin word Villa, meaning country house. Villain means literally "one who dwells in the country". Patrick assumed that all country dwelling peoples were Druids, and therefore bad people. Thus the word Villain, or "one who dwells in the country" became synonomous with an evil person.

I'm going to go sit in the woods and mourn now.

dead

2006-02-21T16:56:00.000-08:00

i see dead animals on an almost weekly basis in this extremely dirty city. there's something so interesting about death that i have to photograph it. i choose the camera phone over the digi cam on purpose - the grains are necessary.

kinda sad, kinda pretty pt II

2006-02-20T18:26:00.000-08:00

kinda sad, kinda pretty

2006-02-10T11:26:00.000-08:00

How do legos get spilled onto a crosswalk next to the Embarcadero?

this is the first time I've felt pride about my alma mater

2006-02-10T11:08:00.000-08:00

"The art of teaching lies in being able to recognize an individual student's unique potential and reflect it back in a powerful enough beam to start a little blaze."

- Gillian Brown, B.A., M.F.A., M.A.E., Adjunct Assistant Professor of Art, Maharishi University of Management

She was my teacher only casually and only during my last year and I feel that her input had a profound effect.
(click the photos to go to the details about the artist and the piece)

mittens

2006-02-03T12:48:00.000-08:00

as i put on my coat today, i had to hold on to the cuffs of my sweater so that they wouldn't get caught in the sleeves and i remembered when i used to wear mittens that had a string attaching them that ran accross my shoulders and thru the arms of my coat.

this memory gave me a curious, comforting and nostalgic feeling that is not triggered by much.

best chat ever

2006-02-01T12:54:00.000-08:00

jkitten: WOW
jkitten: I just did a HUGE walk about outside

acrimson: nice - what did you find?

jkitten: a new branch of my bank to make a deposit
jkitten: then two little alleyways that cut off the people traffic... and a cute little crafts gallery

acrimson: fun
acrimson: did you get rained on?

jkitten: THEN I went to Hole Dudes and picked up "stuff" for tonight

acrimson: Hole Dudes - I thought you were referring to a gay sex toy shop

jkitten: it is really cruisey at Hole Dudes... esp in the fruit section

acrimson: LOL

jkitten: yes I did get rained on... and when I was totally wet, I started dancing up by the carousel, like flashdance, whipping my hair around my face and through myself up againist the concrete wall... slowly sliding down to the ground.

acrimson: no you didn't
acrimson: I don't believe you

jkitten: I wanted to
jkitten: makes for a nice picture

to the caribbean, me

2006-01-15T09:39:00.000-08:00

i'm off to the caribbean sea, to the us virgin island of st john this evening and i won't return to the cold rain, (tho, right now, i'm having a hard time seeing the screen for the bright, warm sunlight streaming in thru the blinds) until the 24th.
i'd love to say that i'll post some travel blogs but if all they have is a dial up, i'll be spending that time on the beach instead.
there will be a summary, and maybe some of my own photos too, shortly after i return.

WOOT!

liquids and gemstones

2006-01-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

sometimes
when i close my eyes
i see moving images

* * *

tonight
i saw
up
as if from the bottom of a wine glass
and a blue, faceted jewel
was being dropped into the liquid thru which i was looking

* * *

wandering around my island
on an early winter eve
the light rain
peppering my face with itself
and the full moon in the sky
made me feel as if
i were floating in a glass of champagne
with the bubbles gently and persistently
popping on my skin
while i looked at the glint of the diamond in the ring worn by the woman holding the glass

* * *

liquids and gemstones
interesting...
(to be continued...)

granola

2006-01-05T15:16:00.000-08:00

1. I'm having a bowl of trader joes mango passionfruit granola for lunch at 2:55pm

2. When I started living on my own at 17, I made up a pancake that consisted of the following: butter on the pan, arrowhead mills multigrain pancake mix, made thick, on top of bubbly butter, granola sprinkled onto/into pancake before flipping, peanut butter spread on smooth side of pancake, and a mixture of butter, maple syrup and jam poured over top. I sometimes made this pancake for others - especially if they braved a 45 min ferry ride and 10 min "big car" ride to my dad's house when I was feeling like showing them that I came from a very strange place (hence the living on my own part).

3. My mom told me recently that her first bowl of granola took her 20 minutes to finish. This was when she lived in a house with 10 other people, worked at a coffee house where Bonnie Rait (wonderful lady), Linda Rondstat (liked to eat a full pan of brownies and then spend a few min in the bathroom...), Bruce Springsteen (he's very shy, drinks jack and ginger but has to have Clarence Clemmens - sax - order it for him) and the E Street Band (Clarence asked my mom out! I'd have such a much better complexion if she had said yes!!) were known to play small gigs, and was crowned the Brownie Queen (I finally figured out that this must have been because of "special" butter...like mother like daughter I guess...)

a poem

2005-12-27T14:51:00.000-08:00

An eloquent friend of mine, Kilowatt, always posts the most amazing quotes and thoughts. This poem really spoke to me and I wanted to keep it close so i could read it a few hundred times and maybe understand it a little. Enjoy.

Woven of Flame and Snow

Finding her body woven
As if of flame and snow
I thought, however often
My pulses cease to go,
Whipped by whatever pain
Age or disease appoint,
I shall not be again
So jarred in every joint,
So mute, amazed, and taut
And winded of my breath---
Beauty being at my throat
More savagely than death.

- George Dillon

if it were up to me...

2005-12-13T13:08:00.000-08:00

...i'd be nude descending staircase by marcel duchamp

the latest good stuff

2005-12-12T10:48:00.000-08:00

. :chocolate pecan pie without vanilla - kinda brownie like - homemade crust is much better than expected - missing the vanilla but loving the dagoba in pure form
. :birthday pajama party with giant, rubber, blue, nipply ball play (with photos!)
. :3rd grade jokes really make you laugh when you're hiking in the berkeley hills
. :finding birthday gifts in five minutes and then seeing them be received with great enthusiasm
. :down to earth peeps
. :Joe from The Station Agent is my new hero from my new favorite movie
. :morning time schedules *almost* working perfectly
. :the block next to mine has lots of little colored lights up and the photos are really fun - working the shaky hand is my new favorite night time photo shoot.
. :shampoo/conditioner that smells like the tropics
. :warm, spiced mead
. :deep, wonderful, soulful conversations
. :eating all day long and loving it
. :riding bike to work again (no rain all week!)
. :being okay with not handling crises at work as well as I'd like - down with perfectionism!
. :getting over my aunt's beratement for expressing myself in a form she doesn't agree with
. :mac os x tiger dashboard weather report widget (say that 10 times fast!)
. :filling up my camera's memory chip for the first time - kind of exciting!

halloween weekend photoshoot

2005-10-31T12:28:00.000-08:00

ciamac took photos of me this weekend - it was so much fun helping him learn how to use studio lights... here are some of my favorites from the raw collection - I can't wait to see how he processes them:

this one's a little stern but the light is soo good

recent events in haiku

2005-10-27T13:31:00.000-07:00

today:
flipping thru a book
time to turn to the next page;
i reach for my mouse

two days ago:
tried on boots today
too bad they were not perfect.
i am very sad

off and on but regularly (and cheesily expressed):
wishing for a cause
but only receive a pause;
my shoulders drop down

two weeks ago:
fall in the city,
like summer on the east coast:
party on the beach

orange blood..blood oranges

2005-10-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

orange blood

..being told that my blood is deficient and then feeling dizzy for minutes after a hot bath and dinner
..my face felt like rubber as I splashed water on it and my hands feel too big
..headaches
..feeling 'too old' and 'like a librarian' at a club when all I want to do is dance
..smog and smoke from week-long wild fires making the sinuses hurt
..chronic ear problems
..hungry but don't want to go downstairs and cross the street for soup
..crooked glasses and I don't care
..too many things that I want to do and not enough time to do them all
..halloween's on a frikin' monday

blood oranges

..falling asleep on the acupunture table, under the heat lamp, before work
..boo's deep, white bathtub and endless hot water
..going on a plane to hear my boo play records, again
..getting a compliment from a stranger on one of my home made skirts
..the stars on hollywood blvd
..boo brings the soup upstairs on his way home and it's better than ever before
..maybe getting those new frames with the curly bits on one edge
..supportive friends who want to work on creative projects with me and who ping me regularly to make sure said projects are still on the radar
..halloween week starts with a bauhaus concert, has some costume making in the middle, a possible tour of a s&m dungeon and ends with a divali party on all saints day

all i need is what i had

2005-10-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

it's as if last november were still here
on the way to the cove of memory
to process a finished love
and feed the intertidal life

air: merely cold
light: x-rays into my longingness

then the tears came with no control
the tears now are less
tho sourced similarly

then: survival mode
innards exposed without interpretation or understanding

now:the girl with her memories etched into her skin with permanence
hears the story and is inspired
puts her spin out there

[whispers]
your x-ray perception
straight to my heart
has shown me
that the essence I was forced to expose
is all that matters

i want to thank her
and avoid her calls
for sharing

___________________________
i'm in the midst of a trauma, leave a message, I'll call you back...
some people should die, that's just unconscious knowledge.
because, the deeper you go, the wider you spread. you've gotta depend on me now, your vision is dead

those lyrics have always resonated with me for some reason. now it all makes sense.

adrenalized

2005-10-12T18:25:00.000-07:00

today is really busy - lots going on at work. big deposit to make and then enter into "the system" while also entering transactions (the bookkeeping hat is my least favorite here) and these are so time and focus consuming. i also have this design competiton to process and i'm hoping that my boss has read and responded to my email. i assume incorrectly that he'll have a little pile to hand me when i ask him for it.

all of a sudden, it's 4:45 and i haven't processed our entry forms for the ReBrand 100 competition and today is the LATE entry post mark deadline. there is no pile prepped at the boss's desk so i calmly wait for him to sort the collateral that he's had for three days now (why do they always ignore emails?) so that i can get the forms processed.

it is now 5pm.
i've missed the drop box deadline so I call my favorite bike messenger, Mary at Drag Racer (an all girl bike messenger shop where the owner, Mary, rides all day) and tell her i need her help desperately. i babble something into her voicemail about which FedEx spot has the latest deadline and how i would love it if she could show up and wait for me to bring her the box.
[i felt bad about that but needed to ask - I like to save my "need" requests for when it's desperate.]

she calls back and asks the FedEx guy next to her about deadlines
[the one close to my office] is a good bet she says he says.
sweet, can you be here at 5:15?
totally. will it be ready?
i hope so!

5:15 comes and i'm still having to jump thru hoops for this $350 competition.
plastic sleeve 1 needs this doc.
plastic sleeve 2 needs these docs in triplicate.
everything must be in a three ring binder.
label everything clearly and you won't get anything back.

i've never been so ON in my life. the plastic sleeves are in that room. the binders are in this room. the copier is across the studio. thank goodness my printer is right here.
everything is coming together, in the box and ready to go.

THEN

the FedEx website is slow as molasses in winter.
but, Mary is out front prepared to be a drama queen at the fed ex counter - "i just fell off my bike and i'll get fired if this doesn't get to the east coast tomorrow and your website is really slow."
[she's my girl - she offered the drama.]

the hand off occurs with a request for a call back with the results.

i exhale.

Mary calls
everything is on it's way east. oh, and, by the way, for future reference, the deadline is 5:40, not 5:30
awesome, so we were only three minutes late rather than 18!
exactly.
girl, I'm buying you drinks on Friday at 4:20.
sweet!

gawd i love adrenaline.

Blue Lock

2005-10-08T10:43:00.000-07:00

Blue Lock
Originally uploaded by fakeamerica.

this photo makes me feel nice.

(7X7)+20

2005-09-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

One.
Seven things I plan to do before I die:

1. Travel the world.
2. Design and build my own home.
3. Immerse myself in all seven seas.
4. Learn to love, accept and have compassion for my faults.
5. Raise some/a children/child to see the world as it is and rise above the bullshit while appreciating the glory and beauty that is hidden in the cracks.
6. Get a master's degree.
7. Be recognized (by few or many - at least my friends) as an artist with skill.

Two.
Seven things I can do:

1. Laugh easily.
2. Dance with abandon.
3. Love.
4. Sew.
5. Philosophize.
6. Fard well - for myself as well as others.
7. Recite Rudyard Kipling's poem When Earth's Last Picture is Painted.

Three.
Seven things I cannot do:

1. Abide knowing ignorance.
2. Get my awareness to stay in the absolute field of all knowing.
3. Not be tone deaf.
4. Hang out in crowds for too long.
5. Live too far away from the ocean.
6. Wait to finally go to the Caribbean.
7. Wear heels (for very long periods of time).

Four.
Seven things that attract me to people of the opposite sex:

1. Intelligence.
2. Sense of humor.
3. Sense of perv-ness.
4. Sweetness.
5. Patience.
6. Open-mindedness.
7. Hands.

Five.
Seven things I say the most:

1. I love you.
2. Indeed.
3. SWEET!
4. Exactly.
5. WOOT!
6. Whatever [rolls eyes and sighs].
7. [air quotes]

Six.
Seven celebrity crushes:

1. Angelina Jolie
2. Madonna
3. Gael Garcia Bernal
4. Drew Barrymore
5. Carrie Ann Moss
6. Anthony Hopkins (as Hannibal Lector)
7. Dita Von Teese

Seven.
Seven people I want to take this quiz:

1. Marino's friend Sean (apparently, he answers surveys for a living...)
2. My mom
3. My boo
4. Miks
5. Me in a bad mood.
6. RATIO
7. Rick

20 random factoids

1. I collect jars to hold things and I take great pains to get all labels off - including massaging the jar with oil to get all the sticky off.
2. I love rocks.
3. My boo made me change the name of this blog (from 7x7) so I thought I'd add this part.
4. I like using big words incorrectly and then defending my definition.
5. I used to say esoteric when I meant to say metaphysical.
6. I think pretention is only for the upper class.
7. If I had a car, it would be a hybrid.
8. My fingers are crossed that if I ride my bike enough, I'll shed some extra pounds without having to join a gym (they never work for me anyway).
9. I wish my boo had suggested +10...
10. I'd rather be on the astral plane.
11. Painting is my most favorite thing that I don't ever do anymore.
12. I make KILLER pot brownies.
13. I can point my toes really well.
14. In a past life, I lived in Persia and really liked it.
15. My favorite foods come from ethnicities that are not included in the blood that runs thru my veins.
16. I really need a vacation on a beach.
17. My vacation time might be spent in Germany in the winter - almost as good as the beach.
18. I can't decide if I want to get a master's degree in art or psychology.
19. Dancing is another favorite thing that I don't do enough - but I do do it sometimes.
20. I think our president is a puppet for the lizard people.

fasting

2005-09-22T15:11:00.000-07:00

I know why they call it a fast.
When I dramatically change the way I eat
for just a few days at a time
everything
moves
so
much
faster
my mind, my feet, my mouth, my wit, my appetite

i remember once being on a juice fast in fairfield.
i bought freshly juiced beets and carrots
drank one little bottle every 30 min
i had
so
much
energy

an obvious friend
told me to go to the woods
kill a deer with my bare hands
and drink the blood

i didn't really want to do that
so he took me to the fairfield family diner
and fed me fried chicken fingers

they
were
so
awesome

I'm looking forward to whatever it is that will manifest as those fried chicken fingers this time

Meeting across the membrane of vulnerability will redistribute pain, loosening its hold and making healing a basic part of all our relationships.

2005-07-06T10:32:00.000-07:00

Defending against the new is a fruitless battle that cannot be won, regardless of how much rage is poured into the fight. Take your seed and plant in new terrain where great care will be required to make it grow, but where the rewards can exceed your highest expectations.

Our responsibility for the next two years is to develop the creative potential within each of us. We are building hearts, constructing courage and training the inner child to apply its talents with commitment and dignity. Each of us is a potential hero, the star of our own show who brings unique light to the human family. Don't shy away from your ego and the need to be noticed, but use it to make love more present in all of our lives.

There's no need to keep our wounds private, project them or compound them with shame. Meeting across the membrane of vulnerability is a way to redistribute pain, loosening its hold and making healing a basic part of all our relationships.

This is a time of shedding light into dark places, and courageously sharing your talents with the world. Take the risk of going too far with your personality, rather than holding yourself back, especially if you tend to be the shy type.

Patience is the key to making progress; slow and steady wins the race. A positive effect of this placement is sensuality, an unrushed pace for pleasure that can reduce fears about intimacy. Enjoying the process is more important that reaching the goal. Filling the senses with experience makes the journey more delightful.

edited and reposted from
Jeff Jawer, Publisher, StarIQ.com
...because timing is everything!
http://www.StarIQ.com

Brilliance

2005-06-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the "Universe," a part limited in time and space.

He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness...

Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

-Albert Einstein

clawing her way out

2005-06-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

For a few weeks now, I've been ready to cry at the slightest bit of depth.

Last week, I left a trail of tears in front of a sculpture installation at SFMoMa, as well as every bit of art leading up to it.
I hear songs that move me and can't listen with joy any longer.
I see people performing double dutch tricks at parties and I roll my eyes jealously that I don't have "a thing" that is all mine and then I want to tell everyone about these amazing girls who get paid to perform rope jumping.

There is a wild, uninhibited, confident, tigress of an artist stuck underneath the veil of an anxiety ridden, hesitant, nervous nelly with bloody fingers from chewing (and a bloody scalp from scratching). The tiger is no longer comfortable under this skin and her claws make my day somewhat uncomfortable in turn.

If only I could rip open my chest and let her out.

My sense is that 1) I need to serve others but I only have this thought because of religious teaching - I've served others and not felt the alleviation of this frustration which leads me to sense 2) I need to spend a significant amount of time creating.

If that doesn't work, well, I'll tell the driver to stop so I can get off this damned bus.

a timely, somewhat ironic, reminder

2005-06-21T14:00:00.000-07:00

June 17th, 4:00pm - chat

2005-06-17T16:58:00.000-07:00

hi baby
i've been pleasantly lost in thoughts of you all day
i had pizza for lunch. office meeting
just walked around the city w/ dave a bit
4:10 PM
Shalako has gone offline.
4:45 PM
Shalako is now online.
4:55 PM
aww
you're such a poet
I ate a pot cookie about an hour and a half ago and made a deposit at the bank
then I went to sfmoma and cried for about 10 minutes in front of a piece that consisted of boxes carved into the wall, with shoes or a shoe or a shoe form in side the boxes and then a cow's bladder stretched across the hole and stitched with surgical thread to the wall.