Friday, January 28, 2005

the ball

emotional necrophilia
winding it up tight
hand the wheel
to the red head
in the purple undies
striking scorpion pose
with the ease
of a baby's full bellied smile

coo
spit up
sob
pass out

let the kitten play with the string
the ball will loosen
on it's own
vibrating
space between
crossing lines

space to breathe
space to fall into
space in which to hide out
until the tightening grip
of the mad
cable knit sweater knitter
(only for summer)
forgets the plan
and moves on to another ball of yarn

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

shaken but not stirred

so, i had this exchange with someone on myspace and this person took me TOTALLY wrong. i was told to piss off and then was deleted from friend list. wow.
as this title suggests, i'm shaken. someone thought i was doing something way other than what i was doing and that freaks me out a bit.
as it also suggests, i'm not stirred. i mean really, if someone is that quick to throw a sucker punch on line, what's to be expected of them in real life??

and that reminds me of a real life friend who did basically the same thing a few years ago. same situation - miscommunication and knee jerk reaction. in the big scheme of things, it's a good thing as it keeps me from having to walk on eggshells for someone ALL THE TIME.
i can understand if someone i know is going thru something and needs some eggshell steps...but...ALL THE TIME?? that's just too much for me - i haven't the time, energy or inclination to deal with that mess.

i've got way too much going on in terms of feeling abandoned in life - by GOD (only when i'm not feeling especially pagan), by my parents (yawn - just like everyone) and by some favorite people who have disappeared or turned down their light on my life. i mean, from those things, we all must move on and persevere. the good news is that someone in a silly on-line community who tells me to piss off is the least of my worries.

it still makes me feel a little bad inside - but only for as long as it takes to log out and go live life.

Friday, January 14, 2005

copy kitty (shout out to rena)

A friend of mine regularly blogs lists of things she likes versus things she's not so into. In an attempt at being as rock star wonderful as she, here is one of my own, fresh just today.

Hereos
my father pre 1986
the woman standing, stock still, in the Powell BART station this morning, singing acoustic
redwoods
the ocean
gmail
my friend JM who is Hard Core anti-establishment and is all about helping others do the same while thriving in life
my "new" job
weekends filled with things to do - including extra income - but still time to chill
regulatory hormones

Zeroes
my father post 1986
the people who feel it necessary to cover the sidewalks with phlegm every morning so I have to tiptoe to work in my favorite (ie Friday) pants because they're so long
logging
instant devastation with no warning
mail.com
the dominant paradigm
my "old" job
weekends without room to breathe
morning nausea

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Enjoy your life and be happy...

I just installed a brand new under desk keyboard tray. I love it. My shoulders haven't been this relaxed while typing, or perhaps at all, in at least two months.
Two months. That's how long I've been working here and for all I care, it could end in 20 years and I'll be psyched.

Another thing I "haven't had in x amount of time" is a love for my income source.

I
love
my
job

I even told my boss, the CEO of the company, in an exhausted yet triumphant space, post holiday cocktail party clean up, that this is a "dream job." He chuckled and said "Good - I'm glad to hear that." I then went running down Mission Street to meet up with my dancing partners - with whom I had a fantabulous time until a mere 12:15am when I hopped on BART headed for my bed.

That night was one of my favorite nights in San Francisco. I felt like the hostess with the mostess or something "cliche" like that. I threw that damn party and the 1/4 of the invitees that showed up really seemed to enjoy themselves.

And, really, isn't that what life is all about?

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

exhibitions

This is my first blog on a real blogsite.
yipee.
I feel a bit sheepish actually. Blogging is such an exhibitionist act and I'm, well, I'm a shy exhibitionist.

Listen to Pinback's new album Summer in Abbadon (Ab-a-don not A-bad-don) as it's truly a masterpiece in music and lyrics. I can't stop hearing it in new ways.

peaches.